The Fishgrease Project

The legacy Continues....

2006-01-26T12:40:00.000-05:00

Ladies and muhphuckas,
I present to you my lil' man Kayden L. Williams in live and living color

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2113515176

Ran_dumb_ness

2005-09-27T16:15:00.000-04:00

Something like normal (Ran.DUMB.ness)

Well now that I have moved on to a completely different side of the world (Southside Atlanta to Eastside Atlanta), I’m realizing that now is a better time than any to find me some new friends. Not saying that I have a vast multitude of partners at this moment but maybe this time I can put a little more thought into who I label as a friend.

No offense to y’all Eastside dwellers but AIN’T nothing on this side of I-285 convenient. Y’all got about 3 Publix grocery stores total. I had three within 2 miles of my Jonesboro apartment in the Southside. I know what’cha saying though, “If the Southside is all that- why don’t’cha move back then?” .Believe me when I tell you that I’m trying but until then I’m gonna do the Eastside shuffle and whatever other signs of acceptance that y’all folks here do.

I was watchin’ that old bootleg tribute hip hop show on TV last night and realized that Cindy Herron (from En Vogue) still has power over Nia Long. Ironically there were in the same place at the same time. Do you realize what would have happened had I been there in the flesh? I’d still be jacking off to the mental image of them both. Cindy looks d*mn good to be 44 years old. I’d lick her knock-kneeded. Nia was as classy and as elegant as ever. I’d lick her sideways and until she grew a hump on her back. Quiet as kept though- Dawn Robinson (from En Vogue) has always been fine as hell just don’t tell Cindy and Nia.

Nelly surprised me with his LL impersonation as did Black Thought (from The Roots) with his Big Daddy Kane routine.

Speaking of Big Daddy Kane, who knew he could still do those dance moves? Scoob & Scrap Lover had me wanting to get my old ass off the couch and twist a lil’ bit.

Who’d have ever thought that I foundt (yes FOUNDT) Spinderella to be sexy. Good thing she had that baby by Kenny Anderson or else she’d still be on my jock.

Did I mention that Nia Long was there? ** wipes drool from keyboard **

Dwele has a new album out today…hopefully one of you kind hearted people will bless me with a copy of it.

Katrina and Rita !!!! Those sound like two b*tches we had no business phuckin’ with anyway.

Anyone heard that Lil’ Wayne proposed to Trina (who I believe her real name is Katrina !!!) Run Weezy, run. The b*tch is a big bootied storm. She’s gonna flood your mind with bullsh*t and drown out your bank account.

Another invitation (sent from my vacation)

2005-09-15T15:22:00.000-04:00

http://fishgrease.blogsome.com

I'm still alive....

2005-09-12T17:04:00.000-04:00

But rather than fill your minds with the ramblings of my head and other unappreciated bullsh*t...I've decided to wait until something thought provoking wakes me from my quiescent mind state....

RE: I've got gas....and other Ran.Dumb.Ness

2005-09-01T12:33:00.000-04:00

Y’all are aware that it now cost more to GET to Six Flags than it does to actually get into Six Flags right?

I am now taking donations for gas money.
I will no longer be leaving pennies behind at the gas station for people who don’t have that extra $.03.
I will no longer be tipping more than $1.00 regardless of the actual cost of the meal/service. If you work in customer service anything in anywhere be prepared to be very upset with me.
I will no longer come to your house to get anything…put it in the mail or meet me ½ way. ( I know where ½ way is too because I’m using map quest to get it precisely right).
To all the ladies vying for my affection please know that I don’t have 26” rims, nor does my ride have a navigation system or DVD players but I have ¾ of a tank of gas. That alone speaks of the magnitude of my wealth. I got gas b*tch and some good d*ck. Deal with it or get’cha ass back on the bus.
I would donate money to the Hurricane Katrina relief efforts but I can’t even afford to drive to the bank to withdraw any money. Gas is $3.59 a gallon and I was gonna donate about $20 to the cause but the hell you say. ** renegotiates the selling of his soul to Satan for free gas, a wave cap and a 6 pack of vanilla coke **
Did’ja know that there are sharks swimming through the streets of New Orleans in addition to alligators and other aquatic animals of prey?. I saw this on some exotic channel late last night on TV. I was bugged at the fact that people were standing on the rooftops of their flooded homes and there was a small school of 3-4 ft. sharks below them. That’s wild as f*ck. ** Makes a conscious effort to pay Georgia income tax next year...Forever I love Atlanta **
Baby from Cash Money and Master P from No Limit reportedly lost all of their possessions in the flood. Good thing they got houses in Miami and what not.
Do the people that were already homeless before the hurricane have any hope. All we hear about are those that lost homes.
In my honest opinion…it’s not looting if you’re only stealing bread, sodas and other essential necessities. That’s called surviving. Looting is taking big screen televisions, microwaves, and other things that hold no means of assuring continued existence.
We’re still hung up on 9/11, huh? Regardless of what happens people will always compare whatever U.S. disaster to 9/11. Not to sound all facetious but the 9/11 injured the SYMBOLISM of our nation where as Hurricane Katrina affected the Soul of our Nation. True indeed that both of these incidents killed numerous people but as we all know 9/11 could have been avoided to some degree where as an act of God can not be deterred or side tracked. Sorry if I seem a tad bit unsympathetic to September 11^th but it’s been 4 years and it’s time to move on and deal with what’s before us. We can only blame the falling of the Twin Towers for so much and for so long…Sooner or later someone will say that if the towers were still up that the winds in the Gulf of Mexico wouldn’t have been strong enough to turn the tropical storm Katrina into a hurricane. (You know how people get with their conspiracy theories).
People sure are strong these days..I saw a dude carrying 2 five gallon gas cans down the street this morning. WTF?
Public Transportation cost will rise soon and immediately no doubt.
Why is it cheaper for me to rent 3 days in a hotel room near my job than it is for me to spend money in gas to get TO MY JOB. WTF?

Special invitation (update)

2005-08-23T13:22:00.000-04:00

The event is now over....sorry that you missed out on the fun. Better luck next time.

Things you need my help to remember

2005-08-15T15:11:00.000-04:00

Remember

... when everyone wanted a pet chimpanzee just because Michael Jackson had one. You know you wanted a Bubbles the chimp, don't even act.

... when R.Kelly quit R&B music to do gospel?

.... Latanya Brawley and the shame she brought to Al Sharpton.

.... Desiree Washington and the shame she brought to Mike Tyson. ** just for the record ladies...you come up to my house/room/whatever anytime after 11 pm expect for me to try to hit **

...when women thought that Wesley Snipes and Bobby Brown were cute?

... Wrestling was fun to watch.... I thought I was Jimmy "Supafly" Snooka.

... when everyone thought that the Troops sneaker brand was made by the KKK?

... when Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes burnt down Andre Rison's house?

... when Freaky Tah of the Lost Boys got shot?

... when you thought Aaron Hall could sing?

... when Dudes used to sport finger waves in the early 90's? **hangs head in shame because I, too was part of this foolish crowd ***

... when Bad Boy put out good music?

... when Jackee Harry was one of the finest women on TV? ( I wanted to give it to her sum'n awful back in the late 80's)

...when TV actually had shows worth watching. (HEY but at least they brought back Boston Legal this season. Yay!!!!)

...when you first heard me call myself P*SSY PUMPER #1? LOL

... when Ryan Cameron left 103 and went on a rampage about how wack Frank Ski was back in 1995? ( Money sure changes a situation, huh?)

... when Jermaine threw that $1 million dollar party here in Atlanta (that flopped).

... When I could actually stick to one topic?

... when Applebees used to have good service/food?

... When Larry Davis was on the run from the cops? (google him if you don't know)

... Fred Tokars prosecution attorneys f*cked up the case by using very incredible witnesses. ( Keep in mind Tokars was already in prison for 3 life terms and then they go and try him for murder and f*ck up the case so bad that they had to opt for another life term because the jury wasn't convinced enough to give him the death penalty. ) The actually murderer was given a
very short jail sentence and put into the witness protection program.

... When T.I. was lil' Cliff?

... When Marvin Gaye got shot on April 1st, 1984. ( That was the first time I remember the black community morning a celebrity. I was 8 years old and hadn't the slightest clue who this man was. Because of my mother constant playing of the song, I knew the words to "Sexual Healing", but hey he didn't have boucing wet hair nor did he have a pet monkey, penny loafers and sparkling glove. At that time, how could he compare especially in the mind of a child to Mike Jackson? 21 years later, I'm posthumously his one of his greatest fans.

...When the Cosby Show went off the air?

... When that comedy skit show " Uptown Comedy Club" was on TV? It starred Paula Jai Parker, Flex, Biscuit (Now known to y'all as Tracy Morgan, Talent and others.

... when you slept with such and such...and though it was good as a mug fug...you're still in public denial about the fact that it ever went down?

...When you first read the FISHGREASE PROJECT (c)?

To all of you that know where Scar Tissue (tm) (THE FISHGREASE PROJECT 2.0) is located I happily ask that you frequent there more often being that it's not even a week old it's still in it rough stages of development.

10 Signs that you're gonna have a sh*tty day.

2005-08-12T11:01:00.000-04:00

10 Signs of a sh*tty day.

1) I left my wallet at home.

2) Inside of said wallet was my badge to get into the building. I waited 10
minutes outside until someone could let me in.

3) No wallet equals no money. Thus I had to borrow money for my girl for
lunch.

4) Today is Payday. This is usually a happy day but being that it's also the
day that I pay my bills online and since I have no wallet- I can't do that
because I don't know my credit or check card numbers by heart.

5) My butt isn't sitting right in my chair because it misses the usual budge
of my wallet.

6) I wanted to mail a letter. The stamps are in my wallet.

7) I have to wait for a co-worker that I know to return to their desk, so
that I can borrow their badge to go to the restroom. Why? Because my badge
is in my wallet which I left at home.

8) I have no drivers license (because I have no wallet) and now I must drive
ever so cautious back home.

9) I just realized that even if I find stamps to mail the letter in #6, it's
still impossible to do that because the receipt that I wrote the ship to
address on is in my wallet.

10) No one has change for a $20 (which my girl let me borrow because I left
my wallet) and now I must suffer the greater portion of my day without
something to drink. We have filtered water but it taste like sh*t, which
probably wouldn't be all that bad considering I'm having a sh*tty day. Sh*t
plus sh*t should compliment one another rather well.

THINGS THAT I HATE....

2005-08-11T17:15:00.000-04:00

Things I hate….( no specific order or relevance)

Cashiers askin’ me “Do you want a bag”…Like I really wanna walk out of Target with a STACK of towels in my arms. WTF?

Pedistrians that slow down and proceed to shuffle their feet once they know that you’ve stopped because they’re in the lil’ walking lane. If it wasn’t against the law to hit y’all- you’d be a breathin’ speed bump.

Fat/overweight People who think that 2 Big Macs and a diet coke is a nutritious diet.

People who don’t know the difference between being fat and being thick… A whole lot of y’all are FAT. If you have a ROLL of anything on your body-you can no longer deem yourself THICK. Accept yourself for what you are and get over it. There’s someone for everyone and if you don’t find ‘em…turn your fat ass around you could be standing in their way.

My loud co-workers who insist on putting their personal convo’s on speakerphone disrupting my quiet sanctum and inner peace.

50 Cent and the rest of the G(immick) Unit.

The Fishgrease Project ™. It’s not turning into the work of art that I so envision it to be. My mental thoughts and the appliance of those thoughts to the Internet don’t match up all that well.

Places that don’t accept check/debit cards. Y’all are really missing out on my business.

Target for making people think that Khaki and Red are acceptable matches for clothing outside of their store. Stop it, I say. Target is responsible for countless amounts of adults walking the streets lookin’ like a bottle of vanilla coke.

My nuts for itching at the most inopportune moments.

Bobby Brown for setting us back a bare minimum of 100 years….all the while entertaining me to no end.

Myself for allowing Bobby and Whitney to rule a portion of my life the way the do.

Reality TV in general. Will this sh*t ever end?

Nia Long for not recognizing the love that she’s forsaking by not coming my way.

LisaRaye for getting married next month. I just started having a crush on you and you go and do this sh*t. I wish y’all the merry f*ckingest best in your new life together. I really f*ckin’ do.

Toccara from ANTM for not getting a breast reduction. You look like you got two balled up midgets sitting on your chest.

All the Ex’s that didn’t want to swallow. (I’ve said this countless times on my blog and I’m not gonna quit until I see results from women as a whole).

Everyone that left me at home (in High School) when I didn’t have a car.

Everyone that wouldn’t let me crash @ their place when I was forced into homelessness in 1997. (I’d like to give a warm and special F*CK you to my pops for kickin’ me out, too.) I pray that nunay’all ever fall on hard times and look for me to come to your quick and speedy assistance…. Bottom line is you’ll be ass out depending on the boy.

That girl (A.R.T) for puttin’ that hickey on my neck in ’96 and f*ckin’ up my chances with that other broad.(H.J). Payback is a b*tch and that’s why yo cock cuffin’ ass got 4 kids at age 28. Now what?

Glenda Moise for having that d*mn Caribbean accent and making it very tough for the women in my life for about 2 years after that. Add to the fact that you looked like a cuter version of Aaliyah and that really made it tough. I’d have licked the heel off the back of your feet too…GOT DAYIMM, you was fine.

My boy Dre for making Renita Jones think that I was gay….All because yo ass wasn’t getting no p*ssy. Hee hee hell….Payback is a b*tch. That is why you got 5 kids….but I love you all the same my (cock blocking) n*gga.

All the women that wouldn’t let me hit simply because they saw the circumference and length of the “PUMPER” and thought I’d damage their stinkboxes. . (D*mn y’all petite ass broads) …I kid…I kid….LOL

Myself for not realizing my true worth and not fulfilling my destiny as a boy toy to older women.

Myself for not talking advantage of my age difference, worldly knowledge and other things in order to bed much younger (but legal) women.

Hot weather. Contrary to the general consensus of Atlanta, I am enjoying these almost 70 days of constant rain.

The fact that my d*ck tickles my leg when I walk. Every time I walk with a speeded pace- I have to fight the sudden urge to giggle out loud.

That most women will never get to experience Me.

That most of the women that have experienced me…will likely never experience me again.

My arrogant nature….(I’m kidding…that’s one of my strong points and major characteristics).

The fact that you will probably take ½ of this list as a joke .

The thought that Peter Jennings made a bigger contribution to society than John Johnson. This man created a black media empire. He got y’all NEGROES to read. How great is that.

They gave Russell Simmons another record label. To make matters worse, it’s being distributed by DEF JAM, the very label he helped created and later sold for $100 million. Can someone give a poor summamab*tch like myself a chance to upstart a label or two.

The people who destroyed Seneca Village to create Central Park. (Google Seneca Village and see the significance that it has to African American Culture).

People who still believe that you can only get cancer from smoking.

Ru San’s for not delivering.

Yo man ain't flyer dan me...(I'll show 'em how to stunt)

2005-08-10T08:40:00.000-04:00

http://www.englishcut.com/

EYE'm gittin red-ee too git my ANGLISH SUE-T GAYME ON. DA' ness tyme y'all
cee mee Ima bee lookin' fly az a summamabitch.

Y'all kneed too cheque owt dat leenk.... It'z my knew fayvoritt blawg.

(for yall that need translation)

I'm getting ready to get my ENGLISH suit game on. The next time that you see me, I am going to looking really nice and well kept.

You need to check out the link. It's one of my favorite blogs.

( end of translation)

My personal civil rights movement © martin luther KAEng.

2005-08-09T12:36:00.000-04:00

My personal civil rights movement © martin luther KAEng.

Things that bother me

- Homeless people with white shoes...if you're gonna play the part-please be dirty all the way through.

-Homeless people with dogs.

-People who make you take off your shoes before going into their home.

-Musical ringtones !!! Whatever happened to just having a simply "ring-ring"...why must I hear the latest club booty shake anthem.

-People that assume that my saying "hello" is a surreptitious way of flirting with them. Believe me if I wanted you, I'd let you know.
-People who pick their nose and then look around to see if anyone notices…Yeah I seent’cha b*tch !!!!
- Working in general.

Occupational problems

There are certain things in life that constantly remind me why I need to work for myself and work alone....Those things are called CO-WORKERS.The term co-workers is another word for "motivation to work elsewhere". These co-workers are often managed by STUPIDVISORS (c)Arianna (my best friend). They only perform one job and that is to work your last loving nerve. We all have them. Hell you might even be one. Just know that if you are one- you're day is coming.

Love

I may not be able to pay your mortgage but I can help increase your property value by mowing your thick ass lawn (c) Kae Williams in a convo w/his Baby Momma.

Self thoughts (not said out loud but probably should have been)

“ I hope my breath doesn’t smell as bad as it tastes © Me, this morning at 6:10 am (before brushing my teeth)

“ how you gonna be musty as 8:45 am? ” © Me , walking past my co worker.

“Why is this muhphucka talkin’ to me” © Me as another one of my bastard azz coworkers insist on holding a convo while I got my d*ck in my hand at the urinal.

“ I really need to work on my book, this Job isn’t cutting it © Me, every 23.4 seconds between the hours of 8:30-5:30 Monday through Friday.

“Why does she have on those sandals with those FEET? © ME, Mr. FootFetish, upon walkin’ up on one of my female co-workers who has on some sexy sandals and some National Geographic African Bushmaster Elephant tamer feet.

“No, I don’t want any of that pig’s snout sammich” © Me, after my co-worker offered me some of her breakfast.

“D*mn, she got a phat ass? © Me, looking at yet another co-worker.

“OH it’s her © Me, looking at the same co-worker w/the phat ass

“D*mn she ugly as sh*t but I’d still hit it though © Me, realizing that I’ve sunken to an all time low while thinking about my co-worker with the phat ass and ugly grill.

“SHUT THE F*CK UP”….© Me, responding to people who insist on telling me what they did last night once they got off of work.

“D*MMIT” © Me, realizing that I didn’t win the office pool of the space shuttle blowing up.

“Can you spell BOB backwards” © Me, wanting to ask someone a stupid question for a change.

“My non-violent approach to the world” © Me, when a co-worker saw the piece of paper in my cube that said “THE FISHGREASE PROJECT ™

I don’t really hate my life…I (just) hate the fact that yours keeps going on…. (Die, B*tch, die) © Me, responding to a co-workers question as to why I’m so unfriendly.

Does Wayne Brady Have to Choke a B*tch? © Wayne Brady on the chappelle show....

2005-08-08T16:14:00.000-04:00

"I think that there are plenty of good people in America, but there are also
plenty of bad people in America and the bad ones are the ones who seem to
have all the power and be in a position to block things that you and I need.
Because this is the situation, you and I have to preserve the right to do
what is necessary to bring an end to this situation, and it doesn't mean
that I advocate violence, but at the same time, I'm not against using
violence in self-defense. I don't even call it violence when it's
self-defense, I call it intelligence."

- Malcolm X-

Well Happy Phuckin' Friday to you, too !!!

2005-08-05T11:38:00.000-04:00

** After reading this for myself, I've come to the analyzation that I'm not having all that good of a day ***

You ever listen to two ignorant people have a debate about a topic that neither one of them know anything about. It's like watching fart bubbles...sooner or later one of 'em is gonna pop and you'll see some sh*t soon afterwards...

I've come to discover that my life is an ongoing comedy showcase with no TIVO, a pause button, or anything to slow down what's going on so that I can share it with you all. If I could find the time to write down 40% of the bullsh*t that I see transpiring in my 8 hour workday (alone), I could have a script for a successful sitcom. I've come to realize that not all n*ggas are black...Yes, Ms. Daisy there are n*ggas that hit upon every skin shade of the pigment color spectrum. (i.e. White, Asian, and things to that degree).

I often feel like death is the greatest thing the Mr. Johnson could have ever invented simply because you can escape the mundane idiocrasies that surrounds our everyday life. I'm beginning to hate people altogether. Asking a stupid question is one thing but expecting an answer to that b*tch is another. I really wish I could go through a complete day and just slap muhphuckas the very moment they spew something that signifies lack of thought/intelligence. It was once said that "THE ONLY STUPID QUESTION..IS THE ONE YOU DON'T ASK?"...Well muhphucks, I'm here to let you know that you should only ask one of those questions at a time and if you don't receive an answer that you were expecting then you need to chalk that b*tch up as one of life's great mysteries and move on with your life (and your quest for ignorant knowledge). * the death reference isn’t a cry for help…I’m not going anywhere **

Choking should be a legal act. No not choking on food but rather the act of someone (i.e. ME) choking the sh*t out of someone (i.e. YOU). It should only be a commitable felony if you don't cease the act before the person takes his/her last breath. I don't wanna choke y'all to death, I simply wanna kill the parasitic ignorance that lives on and hinders any intelligent thought you may have.

Unappreciative muhphuckas get the "gas face"(c) 3rd Base circa 1991. If I loan or rather give you one iota of something valuable...the least you could do is smile and say "THANK YOU". Just so a lil' bit of gratitude or something for my generosity. I understand totally why some of y'all schmucks have no friends at all.

Bobby and Whitney are quite the couple...but I can tell y'all this much- regardless of how the media potrays Bobby Brown, you can tell that his kids genuinely love him (especially his sons). Did you see the way that Bobby's oldest son Landon's eyes lit up when his father was performing. Buddy was even wiping away tears. Some of y'all didn't pick up on that at all but watch it again...You'll see it for yourself. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what the world thinks about you as long as you can still make your children's eyes sparkle. I'm sure that his kids still see him as "SUPERMAN" even when we view him as a recovering addict.

I'm tired of people saying how bad Whitney is looking. It's understandable that after a bout with drugs and etc will take a toll on you but many also forget that some of her appearance is due to the pressure of just being in the music business. That stress alone will age you quickly. When was the last time y'all tried to make a hit record to upstage all of your previous hits....HA!, I thought not !

It's amazing that we have all of this technology to be able to see inside the womb of a pregnant women allowing us to see the baby's face and what not....But what really disturbs me is that we can't develop a glue strong enough to keep a 1 1/2 inch piece of tile on the space shuttle. By the way- You know they are not coming back alive, right? Sorry to all you space fans but them muhphukas are either stuck up there until they starve or they'll become the next NASA aerial fireworks display upon re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere.

Is it possible to save money and still be broke? (I'm fighting an uphill battle here...if this isn't inspiration to follow your dreams then I'll never follow them).
People I'm tired of in 2005...Usher, Tom Cruise, Star Jones and her flamin' husband, Terry "How Stella got her groove CRACKED" McMillan, Michael Jackson, Brian Nichols and that run a way bride b*tch that no one can remember her name.

PSA-
If you’re currently in GA and feel the need to complain about our way of life, conditions, choice of music or anything else….feel free to leave. If you need help packing INBOX me...…Y’all are f*ckin’ up my Utopia and the traffic patterns necessary for me to reach that said UTOPIA.

The intelligently ignorant ravings of Sir Kae Williams

2005-08-02T12:39:00.000-04:00

You can only see the shadows of your life when you look over your shoulder- turn around brighter paths are before you !!!!

3 words each containing 4 letters often cause a lot of confusion as to when they apply to your life... Those words are LIKE, LUST and LOVE. Learn the difference. Apply them accordingly.

D'angelo is to music and Dave Chappelle is to comedy....Both geniuses and unfortunately both are a victim to their craft. Pressure to out do your last project is a curse in itself.

Will I ever sit down and finish writing this book? (Aptly titled THE FISHGREASE PROJECT).

I think I've found my calling in life....strangely I won't pick up and answer it though !!!

I am frustrated with the music scene right now and I don't think there will be an artist in the next 3 years that will be able to make an impact with an album to make me want to go out and get their album on its release date. The last album that I can say I REALLY felt was Carl Thomas' Emotional. The last recent (if I can even call it that) album that even came close to me liking was Anthony Hamilton's "Coming from where I'm from". The album was good for the year it was released but it had so many production flaws in it that I can't ride for it like it deserves.

I have one of the most dysfunctional families in existence. My family isn't ghetto per se but they are ignorant as hell....I say this to include everyone on my family tree ...cousins to parents and so forth.

I've outgrown the majority of my social circle ( sans Arianna and Richard)...I don't even hang with them anymore and I'll admit it gets kinda lonely...I need social interaction.

How did Willona on Good Times ever get to be in the projects?

Who really wanted J.J. to be in the gang anyway? What could he have done for the Warlords? Remember when Michael was forced to be in the Jr. Disciples. What was his lil' sissy militant ass gonna do? Was Thelma not the coldest baddest chick on TV at that time?

How did Ms. Garrett from Diff'rent Strokes go from being a maid/caregiver to being the head of a girls school on THE FACTS OF LIFE? Did she want Mr. Drummond to beat her drum and when he didn't she decided to switch to the other side and mess w/young girls?

How did George Jefferson get to own a chain of Dry Cleaners after living on the East Side for all those years? Jenny Willis was fine as she wanted to be on that show as well…(She didn’t look like she was mixed though. Couldn’t they have gotten someone light skinned to play the daughter of Tom and Helen Willis. Florence and George must’ve been getting it on when Weezy wasn’t home.
After all those years that Mary Jenkin’s and them sat outside of building 227, one would think they’d have bought some chairs instead of those old milk crates with pillows. Why did I ever trick myself into believing that Calvin was cool and Brenda was fine? Remember when Stony Jackson was on the show….or better yet remember when Bobby Brown was on the show? I thought that was like the coolest.

I see why the Cosby's had so many kids....they ended every episode in bed. I think Bill might have just did some of those sexual charges that are against him. Denise should have never went to college. At the time there was not a finer light skinned girl than Denise Huxtable. I think she should have played in Monster’s Ball instead of Halle Berry.
Remember Cree Summer’s f rom A Different World? Did’ja know that she used to do the voice of Penny on the cartoon Inspector Gadget. I used to love me some Cree.

Tempest Bledsoe's birthday was yesterday and she turned 32....yeah right, 32. Ain't no way in hell she's only 2 years older than me....NO WAY !!!

How come Knight Rider never saved any black people? Matter of fact why didn't Knight Rider ever go to the projects? Matter of fact why didn't they go save Willona from the ills of the projects. DO you thin George Jefferson did Michael Knights laundry?

Was there EVER a black person on the Dukes of Hazzard? Nix that...the car had a Confederate Flag painted on the top.... I seemingly answered my own question. Why did I watch this show faithfully? ** the hidden racism in the show is quite apparent **

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is about Slavery if you didn't know. Willy Wonka represents the slave/plantation owner. Chocolate is cotton. The factory is the plantation and the oompa-loompa are the slaves. As funny and as ignorant as this may be...read the original (U.K) version of the book and you'll learn that the oompa-loompa's were in fact pigmy African slaves. The story was changed drastically for the U.S. release to simmer down anti slavery sentiments...but watch the movie the feeling of oppression is still there. Check this link http://www.roalddahlfans.com/books/charoompa.php or http://www.roalddahlfans.com/books/char.php .

I’m through for today….

Love always,

UNCLE KAE

Can't think for sh*t.....

2005-07-29T13:25:00.000-04:00

I'm having a mental moment and therefore I am not 100 % up to posting today (i.e. I haven't nothing to blog about !!) ...Feel free to read some of my previous works. Better yet go to my old blog... www.kaewms.blogspot.com or better yet read this entry www.kaewms.blogspot.com/2004/08/barnes-and-noble.html

Have a good weekend....

None of y'all hit me up for sushi therefore I'll just take myself.....

**adorns suppablogger cape and flies to RU'Sans....

Hit Dogs.....

2005-07-27T13:35:00.000-04:00

Hit dogs don’t just bark…they bare their teeth, too.

I really try to maintain a good balance with the individuals that I come in contact with on a daily and consistent basis. ( REALLY I DO !!) Some days are better than others and then again some days I’m really pushed to the limits of my bullsh*t tolerance level. I won’t go out of my way and say that I’m not a sociable person because I am. Albeit, I may be a bit moody at times but nevertheless I’d like to believe (from what I’ve been told) that I’m a fun person to be around. Hell, everything in life comes with restrictions and some times things or rather people rub me the wrong way and I have to stand up for myself and what I believe in. Typically, I go through life rather drama free (even when drama is present). Usually when something minuscule pangs me I’m able to deal with it by find humor in it and without complaining about it to the masses. But every now and then, my poker face isn’t enough to bluff my way through life and I’m forced to show my hand along the cards that I have been dealt. Some sh*t to me isn’t funny…

I’m not sure if many of you know it or not but I stutter. I have always stuttered and though I’m able to hide it at times, there are instances where it’s more prevalent than other (times). I’m able to laugh at just about anything in the world ( yeah I laugh at wrong sh*t all day long) but today I encountered some people laughing at my co-worker who also stutters. I want to say that I don’t know what made me lash out at the group of 5..but I do. The lil’ jeers and snickering made me remember the ridicule and teasing that I endured as a child when other kids encountered my own (speech) impediment. Part of me wants to go back to each one of them and say “ I apologize for what I said to you- I want to take it all back. Un-f*ck you !!!”, but seeing the smile on my teased co-worker’s face and the eye contact that symbolized a hug that he gave me afterwards will not allow me to do so. Pain is love © Ja Rule. Another man was able to show me love simply because I was able to relate to the pain he’s now feeling. The other co-workers would have been better off being in a physical fight with me simply because those wounds would have healed in time but every moment that they now pass me or my cubicle they’ll always have that mental sore from the verbal darts I lunged their way this morning.

I regret the manner in which I said what I spewed but I’m not sorry for why I said it. I haven’t been employed here long enough to be on anyone’s goodside per se and I doubt with this random and voracious act of my flippant tongue and dismissive diatribe that I won’t be on any one’s X-mas list.( Outside of the person I was defending). I can’t even say that I was defending this man no more than I can say that I was acting out on bottled up emotions from my turbulent past.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this….I’m not looking for comments of any sort today. I just had to get this off my chest for my own benefit.

** puts on Superblogger Cape ** Seeing that his SUPER BLOGGER PREPAID FLIGHT MINUTES account now includes roll over credits, KAE WILLIAMS flies out of this entry in hopes saving the world against ignorant aggressors everywhere.

**thinks to himself** I need a super-hero theme song or something ** end of self thought **

Therapy is expensive...So I'll vent here.

2005-07-26T16:25:00.000-04:00

Rock the boat by Aaliyah was a dirty lil' song...Do you think if she was
still alive that Ciara and 'Yonce would be as big? I don't really want an
answer to the question y'all...just trying to get'cha to think a lil' bit.

So I went to lunch with a co-worker who isn't black....and she's pumping,
blasting or what ever the word of choice is....regardless she's subjecting
me to rap music and she's just doing all the lil' verses and what not and
then the rapper says the N-word....the car got awfully quiet. I mean
Jeopardy theme music quiet !!!
She knew that were I not around she's have flowing all up through that
verse- I even saw her mouth forming the N as the word approached but she
refrained and the world was one short on its daily ass whopping quota.... I
will now term this whole occurrence as RWBWOEG ( Riding while black with
other ethnic groups).

Do you ever get the feeling that maybe it's just not you but everyone around
you that isn't quite normal?

If you have to be at work at 8:30 am and you have to take a dump at 8:45 am
....is it safe to say that you're off to a shitty start for the day? This
dude next too me has been in a foul (pun intended) mood every since he
realized I made a connection with his shoes and the shoes I recognized from
up under the bathroom stall door this morning.

I can't believe that IMAN (the model) is FIDDY YEARS OLD....she'll get it
before Nia would....Iman has ageless beauty...** hopes that Nia isn't
reading this particular entry **

Speaking of women...why didn't someone let me know that Kenya Moore has a
badunkadunk for days on end... Lawd-a-mercy, I'm not worthy.

I'm really trying to convince myself that 'Hustle & Flow" was a good
movie.... So far I'm unsuccessful....

Operation (USHER) Hateration is still in full effect...I'm gonna use
guerilla internet tactics against him. Slander has never been so cruel. Ol'
ab muscled- greasy chest assed muhphucka. "Tell 'em why you mad, son (c)
The Mad Rapper ** hits the gym immediately **

So a co-worker told me..." you want some of this, huh?"....Uhm.No not some
of it...I want all of it- (to leave me alone). ( I must stop wearing that
P*SSY POPPER PHEREMONE COLOGNE to work, the natives are getting restless
when I'm around)

I am on a newly prescribed nasal spray that seems to control everything but
my stopped up nose.... WTF?

Does anyone give head anymore just on the strength? (c) One of my boys who
was complaining that he can't find a girl to give him that fiyah head w/o
commitment.

Head is under rated (c) Another one of my boys....

Head is under rated only to those that don't get any....(c) R. Kae-lly (aka
Me)

I'm still watching Bernie Mack Season One on DVD....TV is very boring
now-a-days.

Since I'm temporarily staying on the EAST SIDE of the city ...I must say
it's not as bad as I envisioned but where in the hell is the Barnes and
Noble with a Starbucks inside? ** renews apartment least on the Southside of
Atlanta **

I feel sorry for any of you that A) Don't like A/C. B) don't have a/c in
your car/home. I'm blowing A/C until I can't blow no more...I'm may as well
stay cool while I can because I have already stamped my visa for Hell a 1000
times over.

We spend a trillion billion dollars trying to get a space sh*t (oops my bad
spaceship) above Earth's orbit...and we can't find Osama Bin Laden or Biggie
and Tupac's killers?

Any of y'all down for some Sushi this weekend...leave a comment and let me
know !!!

I started out with nothing....

2005-07-25T17:13:00.000-04:00

And to my surprise I have maintained most of it. Have you ever taken the
time to sit back in an attempt to re-evaluate your life only to think loudly
to yourself "D*mn, I really haven't accomplished much up this point"...I've
come to the conclusion that I'm a successful failure ** Hey I'm the king of
the positive negative approach to thinking, if nothing else ** I mean I'm
good at phuckin' up no ones existence but my own. I dropped out of college
with a plan...I was going to leave school, join the Peace Corps and then
return back to my educational pursuits and become a lawyer ( or as my mom
would say a liar)...Something happened between the last day of me attending
classes at CAU and the day I was supposed to meet with the Corps people. I
don't know what it was but best believe I woke up not answering either of
those callings.

It's not even about education at this point...because school is often just a
game that's run well. I've managed to equal if not do better than some of my
peers that went to school and got degrees. If I were to return to school it
wouldn't even be to satisfy the urgings of everyone around me but rather
just something done because I wanted to challenge myself again. School is
just a game that's ran good. Some of the most successful people in the world
don't have high school diplomas much less a college degree. But please do
not take my words at 100% for it's a topic that's neither here nor there for
I do not wish to turn this into a verbal quarrel on why one should/shouldn't
pursue higher learning.

I sit alone in my 4 corner room staring at candles (c) Scarface Of the Geto
Boys "Mind Playing Tricks on Me"

I often sit alone thinking about the could haves, should haves, and would
haves of my life. I have no regrets about not following one dream and
putting off another. I just wonder sometimes what might have transpired had
I went right instead of going left. Or what if I had continued straight
instead of going backwards? I have friends that don't have nearly have the
education that I have and are doing considerably better financially than I
am at the present moment. They made great sacrifices that ended up paying
off tremendously. They faced public scrutiny, backlash, and isolation from
their family, friends and whom ever else the came in contact only to be the
envy of these people later. Maybe I need to just finish this ill-fated book
that will likely not be read by anyone other than my 10 blog friends and my
3 close family members (of whom will expect free copies). I need to not
worry so much about the consequences but think about the guilt that I'll put
on myself for not even attempting to carry out (at least) one of my dreams.

Maybe I'm not taking this writing thing 100% serious. Yeah of course in my
mind- I'm a writer ( 'til the death) . But when someone asks me "what do you
do for a living". I quickly answer with my paid daily 8:30-5:30 Monday -
Friday occupation. Shouldn't I say a writer whether I'm paid for it or not.
Writing is my full time job. It captivates my heart...it keeps my alive,
maintains my personal drive and makes me motivated to go through my day. My
(paid) job on the other hand provides me with the income to keep my laptop
plugged in, the a/c on, and the radio blasting. All of which are
necessities that inspire me to write this harangue called THE FISHGREASE
PROJECT (c) , as well as my other literary works. I often wonder who would
read a whole book about what I have to say...I mean reading a web log (i.e.
blog) is one thing but reading a whole book of my thoughts that aren't
humorous ravings and snappy remarks is another. Self doubt is my greatest
obstacle and hindrance. ** sinks into chair and gives the PC screen a
glossy stare as though an answer to life's problems will magically appear on
the screen **

- seeks the psychiatric advice and insight of the blog world -

it's 95° in the shade....

2005-07-25T12:39:00.000-04:00

Lucifer called this weekend and asked "Hey Muhphucka, Do you wanna borrow
one of my fans? It's hotter than Hell up there in Atlanta." How about I hook
you up with our water vendor or something.? ** takes the devil off of
cell phone speed dial ** I even went downtown with my girlfriend this
weekend and we saw mosquitoes walking...How is a mosquito gonna walk up and
hop on your shoe and beg for you to pick it up and place it on YOUR arm so
that it can suck your blood? This heat is no joke !!! You ever seen a tree
sweat? I swear it was 90° at around 11:00 pm. It was so hot the moon was
hiding behind the clouds trying to get some shade, itself....When I went
outside to walk the dog last night and we heard an owl...Instead of it going
"Who-who" like normal owls do...this muhphucka was up in the tree talkin'
about ""oooh-ooh-oooh sh*t- ooooh sh*t. ** note to self, even the wild life
that I encounter is ghetto ** I don't think y'all heard me !!! The animals
are complaining that it's hot. My dog won't even bark anymore, she looks up
and rolls her eyes at me when someone knocks on the door. She's giving me
that look like " Hey Muhphucka, you pay the rent here, your answer the door
!!! The nerve of this asshole. If he want me to bark he's gonna have to turn
the a/c up a lil' bit or something this ol' lukewarm ass water that he
leaves in the bowl just AIN'T cuttin' it.

Ran.Dumb.ness ( one of these days I'm going to stick to one topic...but
this seems so easy while I'm at work)

So the police in London have shot an innocent man that they ASSUMED was or
rather had connections to the recent bombings over there!!! (THIS DOESN'T
SURPRISE ME AT ALL) ...Not to try to desensitize the matter but now other
countries can feel the anger and distrust in law enforcement authorities
that we felt when Diallo was shot 41 times in NY.

I bought the bootleg to "Hustle and Flow"...It really wants to be a good
movie but the script just isn't there. Terrence Howard plays the hell out of
his role but being a good actor just does nothing if the movie is poorly
written. The songs on the other hand are great even if the subject matter in
them makes you chuckle and worry about the future direction of rap music.
WHOOP THAT TRICK (c) DJAY

Operation Hateration is still a go...

2005-07-22T08:51:00.000-04:00

In an attempt to shut down the Buster Raymond fan club, I will be cruising
around the downtown Atlanta area shouting profanities and throwing obscene
gestures outside of the Us Records (aka Usher's new label) event tonight @
Visions....I will be egging his vehicle and should I make my way inside of
the club and make it anywhere near V.I.P., I will bum rush the d.j., snatch
the mic and make lewd jokes about his (Usher's) nose and sexuality... I will
then barricade myself in the d.j. booth and force the club to listen to
Usher's Caucasian counterpart, Justin Timberlake.

I will be forwarding everyone a link to my pay-pal account to assist with my
bail and court costs...

Peace up- A-Town Down,

Osama Kae- Laden

Today's Entry is sponsored by....

2005-07-20T12:22:00.000-04:00

Dear Nieces, Nephews, Cousins and extended family,

I read Yolie's blog today and was just moved (that's the same as inspired
for y'all ig'nant mofos) and decided that I'd just let her sentiments roll
over to my side of the world......( I left a comment long enough to be a
short entry on her post and as a result I'll just give her "hit" count a
boost and shamelessly plug her latest entry here) ... so click, cut and
paste or do whatever- just go over there and read it....

http://www.juswritinlife.com/jus_writin_life/2005/07/cant_take_it_wi.html

I forgot about ch'all (w/ RAN.DUMB.NESS)

2005-07-19T12:49:00.000-04:00

** Ebonics abounds in this entry **

Deer knee-sis and nefewz,

I honestlee forgawt about y'all over the last few daiz...Eye've ben bizzy gettin' my day-lee events in ordur. Eye'm making preparations 4 sum big munny maykin bid'ness. Eye kain't ree-vill it awl too you rite now butt ass soon az it ghits off da' ground Ima put u on 2 it. Thin agin, may bee eye will keep this information (I hope I spelt that rite, U no how i am wiff thoze big wurdz. ) to myself so dat eye kan be ritch on mi own.

** end of ebonics ***

Let me tell y'all what's been happening in good ol' Kaeville, USA or better
yet what's been on my mind.

1) If you're gonna include me in a lie....can you please let me know about it. How you gonna incorporate me in something and then when your wife brings it up in my presence all i can say is " You know how ______ (insert name of one of my ig'nant male friends in the blank) is- he's always gettin sh*t messed up. What had happened was" (all lies begin with "WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS")....

2) Bobby Brown is the TROOF !!!....He's what all crackheads (current or recovering) should aspire to be like. Why in this show is only 8 episodes long is beyond me- but nevertheless I doubt that there will ever be a celebrity family reality show that can top this...I mean the Osbornes come in at a close 2nd but nothing more. Speaking of the Bobby and Whitney Comedy
Hour who is that lady that's always in the background with the braids?

3) I have started a one man campaign called "OPERATION HATERATION"...my first target is none other than URSHA...aka Usher Raymond. I aim to either expose him as being homo, or will tarnish his image all together. I'm tired of him not representing the "A" right...He always talkin' about Atlanta this, Atlanta that....He only moved here from Chattanooga to better his career. We don't need him- we got Jermaine Dupri and Janet. And to show that I'm not racist my next target will be either Tom Cruise or that lil' skinny Hilton b*tch....( Lindsey Lohan will have to wait).

4) So they really gonna replace Left Eye, huh? ...** shakes head ** That's a d*mn shame !!!

5) A nurse in the maternity ward of Northside Hospital has tuberculosis (TB) and might have infected some new born children..** This is Atlanta !!! I'm sure the actual doctors have worse **

6) Gas is back down to $2.13 a gallon....(Never thought I'd be happy to say that....EVER !!! )

7) My cousin Reggie (AKA REDMAN) told me that most groupies at hip hop shows are male....Not even gay...Just muhphuckas that wanna hang out and smoke, just to say that they know you..... ** Strikes being famous from the top of my "things to do before I die" list. **

8) The evening news is the best comedy show ever....I'm watching the news the other night and a couple in south Florida is interviewed...Dumb ass housewife opens her mouth and says " I don't know why the hurricane's keep hitting our house" ....Uhm, my guess would be because you live ON the f*cking beach. I mean just because your house is on some stilts doesn't make it Hurricane Laquisha proof.

9) Check my footwork !!! ....with songs like this on the radio, I can clearly conclude that I ended my rap career prematurely....** begins listening to beats again and starts writing lyrics ***

10) This is a question that my boy who just started dating this girl asked me.....What do you do when you meet your mates friends and they end up being more attractive than they are? ** hangs up the phone, hoping he doesn't call back expecting me to answer **

11) Other than receiving head having sex in the shower is the next best thing to drinking beer with Jesus. ** pulls out passport so that it can be stamped "STRAIGHT TO HELL" for mentioning sex, head, beer and Jesus in the same sentence **

12) They need to hurry up and put "Girlfriends" on DVD....That's the best tv show on at the moment. Unbeknownst to y'all, I find TONI sexy as a muhphucka....and Joan (aside from the big eyes) will get it in a second.

13) Someone told a friend of mine (who happens to get my daily dosage of emails called the ROB REPORT) that I'm either gay or ugly as f*ck because there is no way possible that I can be even remotely cute AND humorous....Well truth of the matter is....I'm not gay. Though not attractive by any measurement, I'm not considered ugly either simply because I'm well endowed and therefore women often forget what I look like once I start acting out the Ying Yang Twins "Whisper" song and commence to beating that thang up.... ** Cues "What's your name" ( I'm p*ssy pumper #1 !!) (C) T.I.

14) My girlfriends car is dead and we're sharing my car...I don't know how muhphuckas do sh*t like this on a permanent basis. My hat goes off to y'all that manage to get by on just one car...

15) I've been pumping Guy's first album for a month straight now...Y'all don't realize the genius in this album. Teddy Riley was before his time....

16) My best friend is 9 years older than me but this Thursday she's celebrating her 21st birthday....( Age Denial is a b*tch, but for the sake of friendship and lack of desire to do anything otherwise I'm going to go along with this lil' charade until someone asks her for some ID). Hey
Arianna !!!!

17) A job that you enjoy doing is a hobby (C) Malcolm Forbes. Yeah okay Malcom, if you
say so....Hell a job that I enjoy is one with about 2-3 more zeros before the decimal point.

18) I find it hard to believe that there are people in my social circle that have known me for 15 years that don't know my real name....This disturbs me especially considering some of the sh*t we've gotten ourselves in to.

19) Loofa died...buy his CD and get over it. ** continues pumping Johnny Gill ** I guess we'll never know if LOOFA was GHEY or not huh? How did he just up and die...wasn't he on tv not too long ago supposedly recovering from that stroke? I think the cleaning lady must have tripped over his lifesupport cord or she could have possibly unplugged it by accident while vacuuming. I mean which is more important to the mexican (non-english) speaking cleaning lady- Unplugging Luther's cell phone that is on the charger, or the loud beeping box with flashing lights with plastic tubes and IV Fluids going into LOOFA's chest and arms? My conspiracy theory for the week is that he was murdered. He was axed yo!!! The Twinkie and Cream Puff Mafia did Luther in... That organized crime is a muhphucka...

20) Forward this link www.fishgrease.blogspot.com to all of your friends...I'm trying to get up to 10,000 hits by the end of August...

I'm not mean; I've just been in a bad mood for 29 years

2005-07-14T16:46:00.000-04:00

Hello Family,

Just thought that I'd take the time to scribe what's going on in my life. Kaeville, USA is a really nice place if you can tolerate the abundance of bullsh*t and ignorance that abounds here. I'd love to show you some pictures of the ignoramuses that I come in contact with but I fear that they read this here great work, ** ahem ! cough!, THE FISHGREASE PROJECT (c), cough!, cough ** therefore I will just carry on in my usual manner and speak of them in a general sense.

1. I am officially through with helping people out with their computer issues...How you gonna ask me to install windows XP on your laptop and you don't bring me a power cord for your antediluvian laptop. It takes anywhere from 60-90 minutes for XP to install and you give me bring your laptop to me with 19% battery power. **shakes head and wipes tears of frustration from face **

2. (In a conversation with my boys)...How is it that a man will have anal sex with a girl but finds it repulsive to have sex with her when she's menstruating? ** Realizes that by just having this conversation that I need a new circle of associates **

3. Why do I have to borrow something that I lent you? The sh*t has my name on it and you're gonna ask me when do you think you gonna get it back? ** If you weren't my father, I swear I'd kick the last living breath out of you **

4. I don't gossip and I find it very disturbing that you think I'd mention your name in any conversation. What we talk about is between us- at least on my part. Please don't involve me in any drama with you and others. **I'm not a nice person though I play one during the portion of hours that I am consciously awake.**

5. No, I will not set up a wireless network in your house. Who cares if you cooked a bag of chicken and got a cooler full of beer? I don't drink nor do I eat meat. So where is the trade off and how does this benefit me? ** realizes that I need new associates immediately **

6. Why would you assume because your PC plays DVDs that it is also a cd burner? And how or rather why in the hell would I put a program on a floppy disk...the sh*t is like a million, drillion, megs...Who would take the time to break the sh*t down...better yet who still has a floppy drive on their pc?

7. R***, (name hidden to protect the guilty) Don't kiss her if you hit it......................I forgot to mention to you that she gives good head....** I met her at a summer shindig a few heat seasons (aka SUMMERS) ago and I was drinking then and she was a lil' slimmer, and uh what had happened was .....dammit use you're imagination and that's prolly how it went down. **

8. No, I really don't want to see pictures of your child losing her first tooth...believe me full sets of teeth are a good look regardless of the age group.

9. You can't have me I'm too young for you miss (c) Slick Rick....This was my mental response to the old lady at Wal-Mart that said she could rock my world and show me a few things.... ** yeah , okay **

10. I asked for your cell phone number to update our emergency contact phone list (at work) ...For you to even remotely believe that I'd holla at you in a public setting and give you the time of day at any time is the funniest thing I've ever seen, experienced or heard. Realizes that I either look very desperate or I look cute but carry myself as though I have very low
self esteem and will allow any and everyone get a piece of what was formerly referred to as "The P*ssy Pumper"... ** immediately goes to GAP.com to add more items to wardrobe **

11. You threw your beer bottles in the bushes next to my door...........I glued the bottles with GORILLA GLUE to your steps...Your dumb ass tried to kick them over...now you have the jagged bottle bottoms stuck to your steps and have to jump over them to get in the house. **Apparently, littering hurts the environment and is hell on barefeet. **

12. I love rap music...just not at 3 am on a Wednesday night. No, I didn't call the security people in our complex- I called the police department. How dare you accuse me of such? The other neighbors called the property security rent-a-cops.

13. Yes, Mi*****, your girl does have a fat ass....but it (also)matches the rest of her *** realizes we all have warped and very different personal definitions of what beauty is. I really try not to hold this against anyone but fat is fat. There is no medium when it comes to obesity.***

14. How you gone ASK your girl can you go somewhere? Man if you don't take your undecorated X-mas tree (meaning having no-balls) ass somewhere with that sh*t....You gon' ask her in front of me "Do you think I can go with Kae?"...Doing sh*t like that in FRONT of me will result in your ass getting LEFT...ain't no RIGHT in that. You's a grown ass man, dawg !!! You done lost all shades of RESPECK...How I'm supposed to look your puzzy ass in the face after you had to ASK your girl can you go with me to hang out.. You 30 sum'n year old. Carry that sh*t somewhere else dawg. I can't deal with you. You must not pay no bills or sum'n...Asking can you go somewhere...Muhphucka, you better tell her you're going out and you'll be back before she gotta go to work...* Man, I wish I muhphuckin' would ask for permission...'specially
in front of my boy** It's gotta be these sappy as TV Programs being broadcast on UPN or something !!!

Well that's about all that's transpired these past few days of my meager existance here in Kaeville. I promise to send pics from this grand place as soon as I can...Hope to see some of you soon.

Love always,

Your dear Uncle Kae

MY PSA to y'all...

2005-07-12T10:02:00.000-04:00

My dearest and closest Nieces and Nephews,

Starting today I will not be participating in nothing that extends past my daily routine of going to work and going home. Why Uncle Kae you may ask? It’s because today it cost me $32.63 to fill up my 2002 Mitsubishi Galant. If any of y’all smucks wanna see me…better log onto yahoo and get’cha web cam ready because Operation HELL NAW-I’M GONNA SIT MY A$$ RIGHT HERE is in full effect. Warranted some of you might get a visit if you can readily prove that you’re on a bus line and can provide me with a schedule and the distance from the nearest stop to your front door. Anything other than that you can either shoot me an e-mail or call the cell….You won’t see me there…See you when I see you…

I don’t give a d*mn if Prince and Micheal Jackson are performing together downtown at Ru’ Sans on the third Sunday of the resurrection…if y’all don’t come get me that’s just one event that I’m going to miss.

To all of you people who complain about everything but didn’t vote…I wanna take the time out to give you a warm heart felt “PHUCK YOU”…And to those of you that did vote and happened to cast your ballot for that dumb phucker that’s currently in the presidential spot- I really wanna jab a rusty screwdriver in your left nipple and pray that some metal fragments enter your bloodstream.

$32.63 to fill up a four cylinder? This muhphucka ain’t even a small SUV…it’s a 4-door sedan !!!!

** checks account balance and wonders how he’s gonna survive until Friday***

Hating life right now,

Uncle Kae

Who's next?

2005-07-11T17:23:00.000-04:00

Hello all my nieces and nephews,

** clears throat to prepare to say sum’m ignorant **

Okay we done lost Loofa (aka Luther Vandross), Ossie Davis, Johnny Cochran and Ron Winans (who I didn’t know existed until last week but y’all sent me pictures so I figured I’d had him in here just for general principle.

Anyone wanna take dibs on who’s the next (famous) black person to die?

I think in all fairness- a woman needs to croak next…but just so I don’t seem biased I got $20 on Ron Isley being next.

Who was the last rapper to get shot? Aren’t we past due for a senseless homicide about who’s truck has the biggest rims? ( Matter of fact, I got another $20 that THE GAME is the next rapper slain).

Whitney Houston keeps avoiding death with her last minute stints in rehab therefore I’m not gonna wish her any ill will but we all know she’s the walking spokes model for deceased divas.

This post will probably cause some backlash and some other thought provoking comments just because I mentioned ya’ boy Loofa and what not…Guess what you summa’b*tches…I don’t give a phuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck © Smokey (aka Chris Tucker) in Friday.. I was never a Loofa fan so I can slander that negro all day long. So until you realize”through the power of love” that “ a house is not a home” and that “I’m so amazing”…I will say what I d*mn near please…Hell this is my blog even though I want you to make yourself comfortable you must remember that “A house is not a home….so if you don’t like what I’m saying here…Get to stepping © Martin Lawrence.

Love always,

Uncle Kae

Mr. Johnson

2005-07-07T23:28:00.000-04:00

Mr. Johnson I know that I've neglected you in these past few months...How is it possible that everything that's going so wonderfully well with me be shaken up and disturbed by one phone call. Please God do not let my lil' sister die. She's done nothing to anyone. She didn't ask for any of this to happen to her. She could help the fact that her body matured much quicker than her 13 year old mind...she couldn't help that fact that it was that mature looking body that aided in her being raped that same year. Why do you punish me so? Why does the breath of death only follow me? Have I not endured enough? Have I not cried the waters of the river Jordan twice thus far? Please God don't let her die - She's to be sixteen in a few weeks...why not spare her the ill fate until then? Sometimes you're a cruel and seemingly unjust god. Take someone who's lived a full life and not a child not even 16 yet. Mariah means no harm. She a fucking child....the meek shall inherit the Earth. Is she not meek enough? Is she not worthy of seeing adulthood? You made this life for her but must she suffer and endure the pain of being HIV +...she started off with a mere cold and now it's not subsiding. Why God Why? She was raped she didn't ask for this? Let her be. For all it's worth let her be me. Just don't draw out the inevitable regardless of how much she thinks she can laugh...She's 16. She probably believes that she can single handidly stop buses from being bombed in London....All I'm asking for my dear lord is to grant her the strength and time on this earth to try to save her and everyone else from damnation....

your humble servant,

Rob'ert A. Williams

I'm on a mental sabatical....

2005-07-05T22:37:00.000-04:00

My dear family,

I'm attending to some outternet events that are rather time consuming...I'll holla at'cha when I get back...if you should see me in the streets (or at TWIST) holla at me...just don't call my name from a distance or from across the room- After all I'm still Kae Williams and I'm still prone to snap on a muhphucka without reason. The purpose of my sabatical would be that I'm working on a few business propositions and some other personal affairs that will hopefully result in me doing nothing more than signing a few checks, checking a few schedules and surfing the web in a loft somewhere....

Wish me luck....I'll be back in a few days...

Love always,

Uncle Kae

4th of July Cookout---

2005-06-30T15:14:00.000-04:00

Below is the email that Yolie was referring to in the comments of my last entry just incase I forgot to send it to you.

-----Original Message-----
From: Williams,Kae [mailto:kaewms@aol.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 28, 2005 11:41 AM
To: My other lifeless friends
Subject: July 4th Cookout...
Importance: High as hell

Naw I’m not inviting y’all to no d*mn cook out…the intent of this email is to let you know that I am entertaining and accepting all invites to attend the ones that you are throwing.

Tell me what I need to bring…and give me the physical address so I can google it or whatever I gotta do to get there promptly.

Remember that I want to be attend a function where the male to female ratio is rather equal. I want to go to a cookout and not a cock-out, therefore if there is to be more males than females please don’t bother asking me to attend…

Thanking you in advance.

Uncle Kae C.E.O

Negro Please Communication123 U Livehere Drive Atlanta, GA 30338

P) 404.7*2.555* kaewms@aol.com

Sorry Gang...

2005-06-30T13:05:00.000-04:00

Hello my favorite nieces and nephews,

My apologies for not blogging at the rate that many of you have grown accustomed to me doing in the past. Can’t necessarily give you a specific reason why I’m not blogging like days of old . I just haven’t been in a real insightful mood and can’t be as introspective about my happenings because some of y’all know me offline and are two entangled in my business to worry about the sh*tty existence that would be your own life.

I can tell you that I’m attempting to put the finishing touches on the literary masterpiece that I’ve been working on for the past few months. I haven’t given it a true title but for the moment I just refer to it as “Life-Death & All In Between” ( but then again everything I do I refer to it as such, remember my 1^st blog? )… Maybe I’ll grant you all the chance to read this one…I’m my worst critic and sometimes what’s good to others is sh*tty to me and therefore if I’m not pleased with it myself then I can promise you that it will never see the light of day.

I see that none of you invited me to a 4^th of July cook out and therefore I’ll probably become temporarily extinct to the masses and just sit around plotting my mental take over of the world. On a more serious note though, I’ll actually be devoting this time to devise a plan of action for all of these business ideas that I have running amok in my mind. I got people throwing me chances to make some good money doing side projects- I just haven’t sat down long enough to figure out how to go about starting the first one. I got all of these network channels that are of use and will actually be doing the grunt work and I’m just sitting idle. What kind of sense does that make? Other people will be making my money for me and I’m not even putting forth the effort to allow them to do it? ** slaps self hard before realizing that these plans just might get him that AUDI A8, instead of the A6 he wants and the A4 he can afford **

Does any one know of any TRULY TALENTED people that can sing, rap, produce (hell, I’ll even take a beat maker) or anyone that is an up and coming comedian that needs a manager? Hit me up !!! …………………..Congrats to my sister and cousins company DS Management for getting one of their acts an opening slot on the Bad Boy South promo tour. ( not trying to sound biased but how is an opening act gonna be better than the main headliner ** ahem ,Boyz N Da Hood **. Congrats on getting the other boys a performing spot at the Field Mob show in Macon next Saturday. I’ma be there with my “Kae Dollar – 1988 Golden Hip Hop Era T-shirt “on…Shout me out !!! LOL

Love all of you,

Uncle Kae

Better Judgment (or lack there of)

2005-06-28T10:18:00.000-04:00

My Dear Nieces and Nephews,

Ever had a friend that met a new mate and they’re all excited about them? I mean they go all out of their way to tell you how great they are and how good looking they are and then when they finally introduce the new mate to you, you’re like what the hell?

I gotta boy who just recently met and spent a good portion of the past weekend with a woman. He’s calling me about every two hours on some “Man, she’s fine as a muhphucka” type sh*t. So I go along with it and what not. I start conjuring up images of how I think she might look based on the details that he’s described to me. Now I’m not the most creative muhphucka on this here planet but for the sake of my boy, I allowed my imaginative juices to overflow. Apparently Mr. Johnson **by the way, God we need to talk** must have been playing a very cruel joke on my boy by fogging up his pupils or some sh*t. I’m sitting here all geeked for my boy believing that he done pulled him a Beverly Johnson, Iman, Naomi Campbell type chick. (Notice I didn’t give him any Nia Long comparisons for his girl though) I mean I’m picturing her stepping in the place with some sexy heels and dressed to the nine. I’m waiting and hoping for a true dime piece. I mean he’s going on and on about her physical qualities and what not and I’m thinking that he done pulled him an older version of Esther Baxter (the girl from the Freek-a-leek video)...

SKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURT (car screeching sound)

Long story short…My over jubilant pal of mine decides to e-mail me a picture of his newly crowned queen…Sh*t, I’m so eager about it that I tell him to send it to my work e-mail account. The email pops up on my screen. I read his description of her before I open the pic ( I know realize he was trying to advertise her to me and get me to buy into the bullsh*t fallacy of her beauty)…. I then click on the attachment. It takes a minute to load….it’s a big picture. WHOA !!! I look. I blink. I look again. I scroll left. I scroll right. I scroll up. I scroll down. I blink again. I bite my tongue. I bit my tongue even harder. I look again, not truly believing what I’m seeing. Before I can even get a good look, the phone at my desk rings…it’s him. I can hear in his voice that he’s proud of what he just sent me. His tone is like a peacock displaying its tail feathers. He’s beaming with pride. I know it’s coming. I try to avoid it but for once I’m at a loss of words. ** I’m having a mental block ** I want to change the subject before he gets the chance to interject with that one question. **Think, Kae think.** Uh oh….an awkward moment of silence is upon us. ** think quicker**

Dammit- he’s speaking before me…it’s coming…. ** come on phone beep…please someone call on the other line ** I hear his voice breaking. He asks “ So Dawg, what’cha think of her “ . I want to tell the truth and all but this is my boy. I gotta save face and be thoughtful of his feelings. He wants me to tell him what I think of his love queen. His chocolate thunder. This is his fire and desire. His soon to be everything. How do I tell my long time friend that his girl isn’t attractive. Hell she isn’t even cute. Matter of fact she’s the worst thing I’ve seen that whole day. She’s doesn’t even have a good body. Big ass?Yes, but her stomach is just as big, therefore the two balance the other making it rather unappealing. I’m stalling for time…then it all comes to me. **Kae, you’re at work ** “Hey Dawg, I got someone here at my desk-lem’me hit’cha back” **hangs up the phone immediately ***

**wipes sweat off of for head, clears that atrocious picture from my PC, and lets out the loudest allowable work place laugh ever ***

What are you supposed to do when your friends new interest isn’t attractive at all? Tell me !!!! Let me know?

Sincerely yours

Uncle Kae

Remember when I had y'all shook?

2005-06-27T09:17:00.000-04:00

http://massai-long.blogspot.com

I really had y’all going for a while. I mean I sit back and laugh at this sh*t for a good minute every now and then. I really had y’all hating Massai Long. Then again some of y’all were liking him (or rather who you thought was him) and hating me…

Go figure….To anyone that I offended with that alias – I am truly sorry. I was simply trying to offer another perspective to your views. What surprised me most is that many people were in accord to what I was saying even though most of it was rather off the wall and brazen by some means. The actual blog entitled “ The short version of the long story” wasn’t nearly as exciting as the comments that I was fortunate enough to leave on some of your respective blogs... The comments that I left on blogs outside of our general blog circle were even worse and I wish I could retrace/recall some of the ones I visited just to give you a clear example of how awful I was….

http://massai-long.blogspot.com

Anyway Kiddies…HAPPY MONDAY !!!!

Love Always- your Uncle Kae

The troubled soul of kae-hova (the blog god)

2005-06-23T09:40:00.000-04:00

I'm really gonna sit down this weekend and tell you all about my lil' trip...I haven't a thing to do this weekend therefore I'll have ample time to dedicate to this cause...but in the meantime I'll hit you with yet another bombardment of things plaguing the troubled, yet overly arrogant soul of Kae Williams.

1)Men, you ever find yourself laughing at the dude at the urinal next to you that can't seem to get his pee going? Maybe it's just me but i find the sh*t hilarious.

2) Why is the world shocked that a lil Boy Scout survived 4 days in the woods? Got-dammit, he's a boy scout isn't that what you're trained to do. If my memory serves me correct when I was a boy scout I learned how to make a hut out of sticks, what berries to eat and how to collect the morning dew in a manner not to become dehydrated !!! This lil' muhphucka is on CBS talkin' about his alleged ordeal. I'm mad this muhphucka didn't have any common sense. If you see people on horses calling your name and you've been in the woods for 3 nights- they are not kidnappers. Get the phuck out the bushes and stop hiding so that CBS and the rest of 'em can report on something meaningful. Bet that will teach his lil' ass not to go out venturing on his own. Tyrone and Quinardrick ain't get lost...I bet'cha last dollar them two never even got out the van. Sleep outside hell...them two sat in the van, stretch out over the seats with an afghan and their game boys...

3) So Oprah is now the victim of racism? No surprise here...But I'm gonna need her to wanna boycott a store I can afford. Hermes isn't even in my vocabulary. B*tch go to Wal-mart or some sh*t. Jiffy-Lube or sum'thing that I can relate to. I know not what Hermes makes other than boat shoes and pearl faced watches....But Oprah really,have you never seen what'cha look like without make up? I wouldn't have let'cha rich yet broke lookin' ass in either...And you got the nerve to wonder why Stedman hasn't asked you to marry him yet? You need an extreme makeover....

4) I have a fetish for dark skinned women...Lord, help me. (The fetish gets worse when they are from another country and have an accent...Jamaican women scare me though because I can never understand their broken English through the heavy accent...but y'all do got some big asses and therefore I'll just ask you to scribble whatever you must say to me on a sheet of paper and pray that we don't lose the feelings in translation.

5) My childhood crush Lark Voorhies is on cocaine. D*mn shame. She'll still get it on GP though.

6) I have a foot fetish as well....Some of y'all really need to work on your toe game this summer. Just because the sandals fit and come in your size-doesn't mean that you should purchase them. I mean just because my d*ck will fit in your mouth, it doesn't mean I should put it in there, right?

7) Cheap Chinese food and a Venti (tm) MochaFrap from Starbucks for dinner will make your intestines very uneasy the next morning. Xina ( my dear sister) my stomach ache is of your design. I was cool not having any of the two aforemention items in my system. Sibling pressure is a b*tch.

8) Pink is the sexiest color a woman can wear...

9) LisaRaye is really rather attractive...I've got to give it up to her.

10) Bernie Mack Season One is a funny DVD....He reminds me of my Uncle Juke.

11) T-Boz and Chili need to stop it...I will not elaborate on this regardless of who urges me to do so.

12) 1 out of every 3 people are ugly....Look to your left, then look to your right...if you don't see any ugly people....GUESS WHO?

13) I swear I heard God wake me up this morning and say "If you don't get'cha ass up and get ready for work- you're going to hell"...(I'm paraphrasing for the sake of brevity but the convo really did hit along these lines) .

14) I need someone to take me out this weekend and just hang out and have a good time...I need to people watch and observe muhphuckas who can't dance but feel the need to do so because they have liquor in their system. I might just be @ TWIST this weekend...

15) Ikea opens next week and on opening day- I will not be @ work.

16) What exactly is the FISHGREASE PROJECT? I thought I knew...but now I'm not even so sure anymore. *** thinks long and hard*** Oh well phuck it...it's been this long- I guess it doesn't matter.

17) Lil' Kim is definitely going to prison. If they can send Martha Stewart- they will more than likely put Kimberly Jones in the pen with Mo-Mo and n'em.

18) I am attracted to older women (Like 40 and change)...Hide ya Aunt's and grandmothers...Kae is on the prowl...just kidding. (Hay BOO !!)

19) I hate when people say that Life is too short...WTF? What will you ever experience that is longer than your life? There is no defense against common sense.

20) Hit me up if y'all wanna meet the BOY ( that would be me) at Starbucks on this upcoming Sattidy Mowning on PEACHTREE (around 10-ish). We can do an open forum of some sorts...I need to expand my social circle and therefore I'll temporarily put down my wall of defenses and actually attempt to meet some of your derelicts and verbal hooligans for a chance. Don't be offended when I shake your hands and then quickly apply germ sanitizer to the interior of my palms- I don't know you like that.

Writers Block

2005-06-22T13:13:00.000-04:00

For some reason- I just can't get in the mood to write about much of
nothing. I'm still in VACATION mode and add that to the fact that I have an
ear infection that has caused me to (hopefully) temporarily lose 40% of the
hearing in my right ear-I'm not gonna write until I feel 100% up to it.

I will though put forward the following questions or rather concerns that
are plaguing my already trouble psyche:

Why do people ride motorcycles with no shirts on...or better yet with no
helmets? Chasing death with your six pack showing and your newly edged up
fade isn't a good luck by any means of measurement.
When will Puffy just dissolve Bad Boy records. I bought that BOYZ IN DA'
HOOD album and it's garbage. I will no longer support Puffy until some
quality music is brought out on the label...2 good songs per every 6 albums
released is not a good track record. I will keep my L'ehm dollars in my
pocket for now on. ** burns and desecrates his Sean Jean t-shirt ** Pulls
out Donny Hathaway and continues with his ban on rap music.
Why are they digging up Emmett Till's body and seeking a new trial when all
of the people who could have committed any offenses against him are dead.
Spend that court case money on education and not on seeking justice in a
case where nothing can transpire.
Why have I only seen 2 pregnant Chinese women in my whole 29 years on this
earth?
Why am I so elated that I got BERNIE MACK (season one) on DVD?
Where are all the women that claim to be able to make a man's toes curl?
Can someone bring a half deaf young man some pizza and a movie to watch...I
don't feel like venturing out on my own.
Have you seen KUNG-FU Hustle? If not cop a bootleg ...it's a great movie.
By the way- my bootlegger has a cell phone and delivers. Does yours?
I want to put my d*ck on a woman's shoulder and say "look what I got for
you, while I watch game 7 of the NBA finals and flip during commercials to
peruse what's on HGTV..." .... I know this isn't a question but it's a
thought that just came up in my mind and I thought that I'd share.
Have you seen the new SWATCH watches? They are not the plastic shits that we
grew up with....These are along the lines of Movado and what not.
Why isn't there any VANILLA COKE in Virginia. This added to my ear problems
made my trip unbearable. Needless to say- if the doctors really want me to
give up drinking soda's they should demand that I move to VA immediately.
Who told y'all women that those Chinese slippers were cute in any sense of
the word. For Christ's sake these things are $3-$4 a pair why are you
wearing them until the sole is gone and the lil' decorations have rubbed
off?
Why am I not surprised about the rapper Cassidy? That's what'cha get for
telling the secret code of the Hustla's....True hustla's don't tell. Actions
speak for themselves. Consider yourself violated.
Does anyone really like 50 Cent? Or am I just the only one who thinks he's
highly overrated?
Does anyone wanna buy me pizza?
Is Bin Laden somewhere just laughing at us...Wouldn't it be funny if he was
over here working as a janitor or something?
Is it true that Maxwell is gay? Ha ha...I said this years ago but'chall
ain't bleve me.
Run DMC is the stupidest name for one of the greatest rap groups ever.
Why am I still typing this bullsh*t?

Guess Who's back in the em-effing house?

2005-06-21T09:47:00.000-04:00

I'm back y'all silly summuva.beyotches. I'll be bloggin' soon to enumerate
the many escapades and excursions of my trip as well as to answer the
questions that I proposed before actually setting sail on my journey.
Thanks for everyone who wished me a safe and speedy return.

MY quest....

2005-06-14T21:49:00.000-04:00

Fear not great people (and ig'nant muhphuckas too)...I will not be leaving the blog world in vain over the next few days. I am leaving the blog world for 5 days in search of the great mysteries of life...

Starting on Thursday, June 15th until Monday June 20th, I will be avoiding the internet world to search for and solve the following problems of the world.

How to fold a fitted sheet. ( This seems to be a gender issue and I will make it a priority to discover why those of us with testosterone can not do this visually simple but physically impossible tasks)
Why the Sperm Whale is named such? ( I would like to think that it's because it's shaped like lil' sperm zygotes and what not but it's up to me to prove this theory. )
I will single handedly find the answer to the question " Where da' hoes at?"...I'm always asked this question and I never seem to have an answer but rest assured this will no longer be a hinderance in conversation. I will find the ever elusive "Hoes". ( I will save them from extinction).
Why "head" is like the best thing next to winning the lotto? I will also find out where the Hoes are that give head...consider that a personal quest more so than an accomplishment for the known world.
Why women that have phat asses have no breast and vice versa... **scratches head pondering this one **
Why Arsenio was cancelled?
Why deer can get up immediately after giving birth but women need 6 weeks of maternity leave?

This my children will be the purpose of my quest and temporary hiatus from what you know as THE FISHGREASE PROJECT©

Question for the day..

2005-06-14T09:12:00.000-04:00

If people from Nigeria are called Nigerians....What do the call people from
Niger (nye-jer)?

*I really want to know the answer to this...Please don't let me find out
that they call them N*GGERS or I'll personally swim the oceans and change
the demographics of the whole African continent. *

By the way, I'm taking a blog hiatus until next week...Going to visit the
group of people that my parents are related too. (I've been relinquished any
acknowledgements of kinship with these folks)...I'll be reading y'alls blog
as time permits- I just won't be attending to the task of writing on my own.

You ever....

2005-06-09T16:37:00.000-04:00

You ever had a co-worker who's breath was so bad that you didn't even want
to open one of their e-mails?

How does your breath smell like you gargled with sh*t? This muhphucka came to my desk and had me checkin' the bottom of my shoes !!! I'm thinkin' that maybe I stepped in some doo-doo during lunch or something but it was HE BREAF !!!!

How in the hell does your tongue sweat? Apparently you've been running ( getit running, sweat ah ! never mind) your mouth and giving your tongue a workout cause you BREAF smells like a pair of 3 day old tube socks. You're tonsils must have a headache or something. Yo sh*t just ain't right. How the hell can I taste yo breath in my mouth and you're talking to me with your back turned? GOT DAYUM.....

Is that a mustache or are those ass hairs on your lip? I'm seeing muhphuckas talk to this man right now...and they are makin' all kind of faces and then they're walkin' away like "DOES HE NOT KNOW HE"S NOT RIGHT?"...I really wanna tell him that he needs to brush HE MOUF (he's past the stage of the minty candy cover-up) but I don't even want to get to close to him and get that funk trapped in my nostrils or clothing.

*** JUST ADDED ***

Breaf so bad that if he was to blow on a candle, the flame would jump up and say d*mn that burns (C) R. Williams

Jewn tinth nineteen nihny won

2005-06-08T16:05:00.000-04:00

That was the day that my sanity peaked and my constant bouts with insanity,religion, and people in general emerged. This was the day that my world as a fun loving 15 year old came to a sudden and abrupt stop. This was the day that I saw what I'd been hiding for years from- I thought that by putting the covers over my head "IT" wouldn't get me. June 10th 1991, I saw what so many people hear about but rarely see for themselves outside of movies and news media programs. On the 10th day of June in the year of Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-one my world ended for it was on this day that I witnessed my cousin, mentor, and best friend murdered.

Fear has blocked out much of the whole occurrence. I vividly remember everyone running from the basketball court at Fair Oaks Park in Marietta as I stood there watching the whole scenario take place. Why didn't I run? Why didn't I do this, why didn't I do that? Those questions have gone through my mind non-stop everyday since then...My only answer was because " I couldn't". It wasn't meant for me to run, I wasn't meant to jump in the path of the bullet. I was only meant to be there and bare witness to the very moment where life as I knew it would cease to exist any further. I remember Marco yelling "Oh sh*t".I remember the gun shots, I remember holding my cousin already knowing he was dead. I remember not crying. I remember not crying. I remember not crying. I remember not crying. I remember that this was the day my cousin De'dric was supposed to be graduating from High School some 3 hours later. I remember walking home long after the commotion had ended. I remember not wanting to ride home with my distraught family. I remember that I walked home in a blood stained t-shirt. I remember not being mad. I remember not crying. I remember feeling alone. I remember that my best friend died alongside my cousin. I remember the two of them sharing the same casket. I remember them both being the same person. I remember not crying.

I remember the whole house getting quiet when I finally made it home. I remember everyone just looking at me wondering why I wasn't crying like they were. I remember them getting mad because I was emotionless. I remember pulling out the matching Jordans that we were going to wear to Six Flags and wearing them to the funeral. I remember years later choosing Clark-Atlanta University because that was the school he was going to attend. I remember that on the day that he was murdered, it was the last day that I ever saw my girlfriend - her brother shot my cousin. I lost 4 people that day. I remember that I lost those 4 people. I lost my cousin, my best friend, my girlfriend and I lost the person that I was on June 9th, 1991. June 10th changed life as I knew it. In the minds of many, I've never been the same person that they knew before that moment. I became more self sufficient. Once out-going and daring, I quickly became withdrawn, secretive and moody. I remember that. I remember the doctors. I remember the psychiatric evaluations. I remember telling them whatever they wanted to hear. I remember them labeling me as bi-polar manic depressive.

I remember the gun shots. I remember my cousin falling to the ground immediately afterwards. I remember not crying. I remember not crying as being the reason why I was put in the hospital. I remember not crying when they closed the room door where I would spend 3 weeks of my life talking to doctors, taking pills, and listening to other people who didn't deserve to
be there anymore than I did. I remember looking with people and not looking at people. I remember that sometimes what people deem as "crazy" is often nothing more than an act by the sanest individuals the world has ever known. Sometimes "crazy" or the medical definition of the term is given to people so that insurance will pay for them to take a much needed break from the craziness that the outside world has to offer. I remember the walk home the day my cousin was shot. . I remember the looks on my family member's face when I walked through the door. I remember going into my cousins room to get the rap tape we made. I remember learning his verses. I remember not crying.

I remember my mother admitting to the hospital to talk to the doctors. I remember telling the doctors what I thought they wanted to hear. I remember asking when was I going home. I remember wanting to go home. I remember the poems that they wouldn't let me write down in fear that I'd stab myself with the writing utensil. I remember not eating. I remember being hungry as I've ever been. I remember not eating because the food was bland. I remember not
being able to talk to anyone on the outside. I remember not crying. I remember going into the courtyard talking to people I'd have avoided had I never been at that hospital. I remember that these would have been the loner kids that I'd have poked fun at and avoided at all cost before June 10th, 1991. I remember becoming one of these very kids. I remember not crying. I
remember these being the coolest people I've ever met. I remember not crying.

I remember walking home in the blood stained t-shirt. I remember my cousin's chest still rising and rubbing the exit wound on his head. I remember people looking down at me as I held him in my lap. I remember not crying. I remember the sirens. I remember the police talking to me. I remember giving them a name but not wanting to go to the police station. I remember my
family piling up in the cars going to the hospital. I remember not going wit them. I remember walking home in that blood stained t-shirt. I remember my cousin not graduating from high school. I remember it taking me 5 hours to walk those two miles home. I remember the silence. I remember the blank stares on the faces of my family members wondering why I wasn't crying. I remember the rap tape. ...I remember calling my cousin's house and hanging up the phone- quickly remembering that he would never answer his line again. I remember the cold hospital bed some 4 days later. I remember Dr. Johnson mentioning my sense of humor but jotting down notes on his pad. I remember being away from the world for 21 days...I remember that I didn't cry. I remember that I was put here because I didn't cry.

I remember crying when my grandmother came and got me. I remember my grandmother throwing my pills away and hugging me. I remember hugging her back and never letting go. I remember that because of everything that happened on June 10th 1991, my grandmother became my best friend. I remember that my grandmother was my angel.

Strike this outta my vocabulary....

2005-06-08T12:13:00.000-04:00

I will never use the word "FELLA" again. I will now refer to my guy friends
as my "boys" and things of that nature. No longer will me and the fellas be
hanging out anywhere.

Fella is derived from the word "fellatio". As in "guys that fellate each
other".

Why Ghetto Isn't Funny

2005-06-05T22:22:00.000-04:00

I didn't write this but found it a good read it's by Justin "Soul One" Bedford, a Philly-based writer and it appeared in Vibe last year.

As a black person, every time I hear someone say, "That's so ghetto," I can't help but hear "nigger-ish." Because when people say "ghetto" nowadays, they're usually referring to something or someone they see as inferior, ignorant, ridiculous, disgusting, of poor quality or bad taste, or just hopelessly, irredeemably black. And I find that disturbing.

It's not just the jokes recycling endlessly online that are bothersome (You know you're ghetto when...you wear your shower cap everywhere but in the shower). It's the underlying messages. An example: Let's say Allen lives in the projects and can't afford new sneakers so he wears his old ones until the soles split. His friends shame him and tell him how "ghetto" he is (despite the fact that they live down the hall). Even though they're ALL poor, the other kids aren't quite as badly off as Allen. And he's made to associate his humiliation with the term "ghetto."

So, an unhappy condition can exist IN the ghetto, then become OF the ghetto, and then just become "ghetto." Black people have a knack for using humor and ridicule to deal with pain (and sometimes inflict it) within their own communities. It's an old defense mechanism. However, when a well-understood expression escapes into the world at large, it often exposes the progenitors' deepest pain: self-hatred.

In that bigger society, what we say directly affects what we do, how we live, and how we're perceived. Black folks often bitch and moan about others being racist, but by using the term "ghetto" the way we do now, we perpetuate prejudice and ignorance. When others are encouraged to say it, they are simply joining in on the fun. The sad part is, the joke's on us.

The Mis-education of kae.williams

2005-06-01T21:47:00.000-04:00

Life was so much easier when I was a child...the late 80's and early 90's ( my pre-teen years) were like heaven to me. I knew no color barrier as most children at that age don't. I remember in Jr. High School when I had a white girlfriend ( yes white...before white was Caucasian and black was African American). I don't think until I look back on it now that I even remember saying I had a white girlfriend, all i remember was that Shiloh Donaldson was my girlfriend. At that age color meant nothing. Truth be told, it still means nothing to me but society will not allow you to be partial to a race with out making you feel like an outcast.

I really feel sorry for kids now a days, simply because everything and everyone is so color struck. No one wants to admit it - but I don't think that civil rights movement did anything but supress racial sentiments for a good 30 years. No one wants to accept another race into anything that is stereotyped as being only for another race. A case would be that as successful as he is Eminem's name will never be mentioned by blacks as being one of the tightest rappers to EVER touch the mic. They'll say he's tight for a white boy or some other racial epithet but nothing more. They won't mention him among the ranks of Rakim, Nas, Jay or Big. Yet he's managed to outsell all of them combined. ** I'll say it right now that Em is one of the most gifted emcees to exist...EVER.***

I guess that I'm saying all of this to say that I miss when I was younger and I was able to go next door to play with Michael. ** true story..When I was growing up there were two Michaels in my apartments and we referred to one as "WHITE MIKE and the other as "BLACK MIKE"...It wasn't a racial thing. It was just our way of making distinction between the two.

Life was so easy when I had my color blocking shades on…The man that I regarded as my father, the man that hugged me everyday from school, the man that talked to me like a son, the man that grounded me when my mom couldn’t find the strength to do so, the man that became my step father was white. I never even though about it until some ignorant person brought it to my attention that my mom was with a white guy. Hell truth be told, I was one of the few kids in my neighborhood that even had a male figure in the house. Who was I to complain? All the kids in my apartments liked my stepfather. Hell he didn’t teach me how to shoot a jump shot, or run a touchdown ( believe it or not my mom did that) , but he taught me how a man is supposed to act. Sure some where down the way, some of those teachings may have gotten lost or I’ve translated them to my own liking but over all the core lessons are still there. He’s the one who used to sit with me and make me read the dictionary. (Yes, we used to read the dictionary…something I still do to this day. He used to say “even if you don’t have much to say, make it sound important…”). He’s the individual that I got my persuasively glib style of dialect form. My step-father could put a sentence together and wouldn’t even be saying sh*t, but he’d say it in such a manner that you just nodded your head and wouldn’t argue the case against him.

I can’t really pinpoint the first time that I even became color conscious. I’d like to say that it was late in life but I’m sure that it wasn’t. I had always had the word “Nigga” in my vocabulary and the word has never incited any rage in me when directed towards me. I think that I first became cognitive of the color barrier in school -- elementary school to be exact. I don’t think that I started questioning being black until MLK became a national holiday. Up until then the only racial conflicts that I’d been aware of was the Pilgrims and the Indians.

I once heard a comedian say that if you’ve ever said “ I have Black/White friends” then you’re about as much of a racist as any anti-black or anti-white sect. Looking back on it- I’m not so sure that the comedian was wrong.

Comments are welcomed !!!

360° of ...Ran.dumb.ness

2005-06-01T12:23:00.000-04:00

Motto for the day....

Don't argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and then
beat you with experience - Unknown

Now for some Randumbness

* I'm beginning to think that Mike Jackson didn't do it...or at least didn't do it to the degree that the media has fooled us into believing. * I didn't get many whippings as a kid. Believe it or not I had a rather smooth gift of gab even at an early age and I was able to talk my way out of
most major castigations. Or at the very least, I was able to arbitrate the severity of my punishments.
* I once took a girl to the drive in (yeah muhphuckas Starlight on Moreland Avenue) and she decided to have some Taco Bell while we watched the movie...Needless to say about 35 minutes into the movie, she began to have a bad case of fluid movements and burning sensations in her intestines. I had to take her ass home immediately...I mean she jumped out of the car and
bolted for the door of her apartment. She came back and sat on the sofa and tried to snuggle up but my d*ck wanted no parts of the action. It's safe to say, I never saw her again. ( I don't know why y'all insist on eating that GRADE F beef).
* I once went with a girl for 3 months...that didn't even know my real name.* I hate cats...with a passion.
* Parrots in Pet Shops scare me. You know the pet shops that don't have them in cages but just on a lil' perch. I saw a lady (who was minding her own freakin' business) get f*cked up by a parrot one time. That d*mn bird went ballistic and I went out the door and looked at the events from the window. (shee-it- you won't get me that easily)
* Based on how my married friends act- I don't have a desire to get hitched. ( Sorry Boo, who knows you might change a brothers thinking.
* I didn't know my father until I was 18....I should have stayed where I was at.
* When I was 14, I stupidly shot a rifle at a shed and then turned my back...I still have a dent in my back where some of the buckshots hit me...

* My most favorite thing to do is fish. I want to join a pro-anglers tour when I retire.
* In the fourth grade, I had a huge crush on Keisha Jordan. All the kids ade fun of her and called her ugly simply because she was dark skinned. Truth be told she was the prettiest girl in school. It's just that at that time we were all led to believe that light skinned black women were
automatically beautiful. Keisha was the kinda girl where you knew she was only going to improve the older she got because she was just that pretty. I've liked dark skinned girls every since.
* My first girl friend was Kia Edwards...followed by Shiloh Donaldson (who by the way was caucasion). Remember when you were younger and you just played together and no one made a deal about races and none of your friends were color-struck? At what age does that change?
* I was once mentally intimidated by a dude in high school named Joe Walters (yes Tomika that Joe Walters). He could argue anything and make you believe it. He was one of the class clowns that you could tell was smart- he just didn't apply himself to his full potential. Like me.
* I slept with the girl that one of my boys is now with...This was about 3 years before they even got together but it still lingers in my head. I don't have the heart to tell him...but I know eventually it'll leak out.
* I've been kicked out of every home that I've ever lived in.
* I hold grudges until they are dealt with...this isn't a good thing.
* I was once forced to take a 12 week anger management course by an employer. Believe it or not it worked.
* I used to walk around my grandmother's house blindfolded because I had a fear that I'd go blind...so I wanted to be prepared.
* I once broke up with a girl because I didn't like her voice.
* I hate clingy people.
* I'm bi-polar..but'chall just think I'm moody.
* I'm vindictive and that's why I try to keep my drama to a minimum.
* I hate when people tell me " Boy, you don't even know what pain
is"....Hell, If pain was a hip hop album-I'd be triple platinum.
* My favorite color is gray.
* I really do think that Nia Long is that attractive. You can't convince me
otherwise. Many have tried and failed. Lark Voohries from Saved By the Bell
will strill get it on G.P. too.
* My best friend is 9 years older than me...Whaddup Arianna?
* Out of all my living relatives- My cousin Sandee (whaddup Dawg?) is my favorite person in the whole wide world.
* I'm a loner.
* Even when I was drinking- I didn't like Hennessee.
* 10% dis by MC LYTE is my favorite hip hop battle record.
* I'm left handed.
* Bad production ruined the career of Musiq Soulchild.
* D'angelo will only record a total of 5 albums in my lifetime. LOL
* Voo Doo (D'Angelo) is my favorite over all album ever...though I rarely mention it. Every time I listen to it, I hear something totally different in it.
* Davina's " Best of Both Worlds" album is the closest you'll ever come to Whitney Houston doing neo-soul.
* Kwame was my favorite rapper growing up.
* G-Dep's "Child of the Ghetto" album was the best produced LP that Bad Boy Entertainment EVER produced...His whole rap career was ruined by that " I've been ready/since fish and spaghetti" line on the song "Let's Get It".
* Carl Thomas' 'Emotional" is one of the best male r&b albums released in the last 5 years. His 2nd album was awful.
* I've never heard a Faith Evans song that I didn't like. She makes me wanna burn candles and clean up the house.
* My foot itches at this very moment.
* I made some lemonade and brought it to work in a Powerade Bottle.
* I have a foot fetish and if you ladies ever see my eyes wandering
down...you more than likely have caught me in the act.

I think this is enough for today....

I am...

2005-05-31T17:21:00.000-04:00

A matador....I sidestep y'alls bullsh-t quite easily.

Another useless saying by none other than the BlogGod : Kae-Hova

This entry is sponsored by UPN (Unfortunately Promoting Niggorance)

I like what'cha done to the place....

2005-05-29T08:40:00.000-04:00

Okay y'all I gotta new look for a minute...Good lookin' out to Grayse for the picture .........

Who know's how long this will last....

**this might be my shortest post ever ***

Thangs Eye Cain't Stann dat U folx doo. Wiff Ran.dumb.ness.

2005-05-27T09:12:00.000-04:00

1.) Y due people kall u on ur sell fone juzt 2 say high? Muhphucka u kneed two bee able two say mower dan dat. Cuz if awl u tale mee wind eye antsur is " Kae, I just called to say hello and see how you're doing", u will git da' obligatory ( I prolly spelt that word rawgne.) High, Eye'm phine, Eye'll kall u laytor.

# C). Ax mee whut Eye'm dueing 4 dinner ass. Y duz dat eve-in matter?

3. Axing mee kan u bar row a kwarter...ass if Ur rilly gonna pay mee back. Wut in dee hail am Eye gonna doo wiff a kwarter. Wut iz tweeny-fi' sense gonna doo mee wind u pay me back ness weak?

3+1) . Kon-few-sing me wiff the tightles on Ur blawgs. Eye bee x-specting 2 reed about won thang and it terns out too bee about sum'thin else. Stop dat sh*t e-meed-e-it-lee. Doughn't be mayking tha title" I Found HIM" an u end up talkin' bout U done fownd ur dill-dough naimed Charlee. Eye doughn't wanna be reedin' about no dill-dough. Keyp Ur sessual tewls to urself. I
on't knead to no awl dat.

# E) Eye all sow doughn't lyke wind y'all bee puttin' them hewg wurdz on ur paige and knot halfing thee slightest eye-dear wut thee wurd even meens.

6. Sindin' mee insent messiges and gitten madd cuz I d'ont bee respondin' kwick enuff. Ever occured two U that I mite knot bee thurr and I leff my cumpewtur on.

#G). Don't bee kweshunnin' about mee and my gurlfrend...wut'cha knead two no iz rite on this blawge. ( Bi-tha-weigh, Hay Gurlfrend !!!)

4+4). Eye think dat every-won shood reed BrothaCode's blawg...( Eye'm two lazy to bee linkin' y'all too hiz paige...jus clit on where Yolie haz cum-minted on pre-vee-us entries an' thin look where shee haz links to other's paiges and look fo' hiz.)

8+1) Half a gr-eight Memory-uhl Day Weaken. Bee guhd and bee sayfe.

10.

Salutations, writer's block and whatever else....

2005-05-26T10:41:00.000-04:00

Just thought that I'd tell y'all minions HELLO. I'm drawing mental blanks in regards to what I can possibly blog about.

Leave a comment, say hello, or offer me some topics or better yet a title to scribe about.

** closes the curtains and goes back to working on his Nobel Prize acceptance speech ***

So why.......

2005-05-24T12:39:00.000-04:00

I am tired of people (women specifically) asking me why did I stop drinking?...The bottom-line, cut and dry answer is.................

I got tired of bringing y'alls ugly asses home and wakin' up to you in the morning. That Petrone is nooooooo joke...therefore I now just work with my natural sober talents and abilities.

I really want to post more but i'm trying the effortless approach to blogging and anything more than this requires me to actually use my brain...

** fades to black**

My Greatest........

2005-05-22T08:44:00.000-04:00

My greatest …

Pain
· Witnessing the murder of my cousin in 1991
· Losing my mother, both grandmothers, my stepmother, and friend Ann in 2002.
· Having pneumonia.
· Losing my Grandfather and stepfather in 1990
· Knowing my lil’15 year old sister is HIV + by no fault of her own.

Joy
· Hearing the laughter of my lil’ brother.
· Knowing I’m about to be a father.
· Seeing the grassy side of the grave for yet another day
· Spreading my innately ignorant thoughts to you minions.
· Knowing that even when I fail…I succeeded simply because I had strength enough to try.

Fear
· Snakes ( I still don’t understand how all that squirming and wiggling around could possibly propel these creatures into any forward movement)
· Becoming a father. ( I’m scared as hell right about now…)
· Not sleeping with Nia Long before I get married to someone else.
· Seeing Nia in person and then realizing she’s not ALL that…(** side note ** she’ll still get it on GP just because of my 14 year crush on her)
· Dying a violent death.
· When my boy Lamont and I wrecked (hell,lets be honest totaled) that $93,000 Acura NSX in 1996…Good thang for that insurance…or they’d have been mad at us…

Disappointment
· When I wanted to be a preacher (yes, I wanted to be a preacher ) …and the pastor told us all about the ills of smoking and etc…then immediately after service, I went to the store and who did I see with a carton of cigs under his arm? I was crushed and felt betrayed. I don’t think I looked a people of “ the cloth” the same. Matter of fact I know I didn’t. Church lost it’s purposed to me from that age…
· Not going to the Sr. Prom because my cousin couldn’t afford to go. I chilled w/him the whole night, a group of us rented a car and toured the vast state of VA that weekend- we went to VA BEACH as well as Kings Dominion.
· Leaving school the way I did…just abruptly and in the 2nd semester of my senior year.
· My father calling me on my 8th birthday and asking me “how old are you?”

Chris is this you?

2005-05-21T08:43:00.000-04:00

Someone please tell me that this is not my boy Chris http://www.sandrarose.net/gallery/albums/archives1/0122_G.jpg

Summa y'all may know him from Kriss Kross fame....

See what happens when you don't see your boy for 2-3 years.....

**grabs car keys and anti-gay spray ****

Whoop dey AZZ.....

2005-05-19T11:22:00.000-04:00

Mom says son beat her for pair of new Air Jordans

By SCOTT DAUGHERTY, Staff Writer

When Katherine Goodman's muscular 16-year-old son asked for a pair of $175
Air Jordan basketball shoes last week, the 49-year-old single mother said
'no.' She explained that even if they were on sale for $100, she couldn't
afford them.

In response, her son allegedly pushed her on the bed, put his hand over her
mouth to muffle her screams, and threatened to beat her every day if she
didn't buy him the shoes.

He then took her into the bathroom of their Glen Burnie apartment, put her
in a choke hold, and pushed her to the floor before asking her if she wanted
to live. When she said "yes," the boy let her go.

That was the last straw for Ms. Goodman, who said her son has been hitting
her since he was about 13.

She called a friend who in turn called police.

"I'm afraid of my son. It really saddens me. It hurts me," Ms. Goodman said
yesterday afternoon.

Once on the scene, police charged the boy with second-degree assault. They
photographed Ms. Goodman's injuries, including a cut on her knee, bruises on
her arm and redness in the area of her neck, all of which they said were
consistent with her story.

"He doesn't have a record now, but I'm going to start one," Ms. Goodman
said, believing it is the only way to keep him from hurting her.

But even after everything her son has put her through, Ms. Goodman is
unwilling to give up on the boy.

"I don't want my boy to go to foster care," Ms. Goodman said, explaining her
son still is living with her.

The boy dropped out of school in the ninth grade and now spends his days
lifting weights and hanging around with friends. His favorite TV show is
HBO's "Oz" and his mother says he's fascinated by jail culture.

"I have a theory he'll end up in jail," she said.

Ms. Goodman said she and her son constantly argue. They fight about two
things: money and school. They live on her disability check.

"Every day there is some type of, 'give me some money,'" she said. She
recalled one recent night when her son stayed up late listening to his CD
player while saying over and over again, "I want some money."

"He just does what he wants to do," Ms. Goodman said. "I have no authority."

County Police Lt. Joseph Jordan said parents should immediately report abuse
to police or other agencies.

"We want to see this intervention before physical abuse actually happens,"
Lt. Jordan said. "The police department is just one resource."

He added that police involvement is not a long-term solution to abusive
situations.

Ms. Goodman is now hoping that a trip to court will scare her son straight.
She just wants the judge to place him on probation though, requiring him to
do community service.

She also would like him to be forced to go to school.

"What the judge says, goes," Ms. Goodman said, believing that a judge will
have better luck than her.

Regardless of what the judge does though, Ms. Goodman knows she needs to be
tougher with her son.

On Saturday, with her son again pestering for her to buy him the shoes, she
caved into his demands.

"I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed. But I went to the ATM and got him the $100,"
Ms. Goodman said.

Published May 17, 2005, The Capital, Annapolis, Md.

Good news and bad news

2005-05-18T17:27:00.000-04:00

What's worse than worse...

Well gang, I just got off the phone with the doctor...I'm not dying, don't
have any diseases...but if I don't have surgery on my vocal cords again
there is a possibility that I will lose my voice. No not that you've been
screaming at the Falcon's game lose your voice temporarily kinda thing. I
mean that I can't find my car keys because I lost them on the loop de loop
roller coaster kinda lost. Depression has immediately set in. At best
without surgery, I could come out sounding like ( Doctor's true words) Miles
Davis or Oscar the Grouch. ** How in the hell do you tell a grown as man
that he'll sound like Oscar the Grouch? Could you not have picked Tone Loc
or some other gravel voice celebrity to akin me to? *** With Surgery, I
could still be just as raspy as I am now but at least audible and coherent.

If anyone knows me and the hassles that I've had since my first surgery in
2003, you know that I had strict orders to not drink any acidic or
carbonated beverages. Well that worked up until this year...I slipped one
day and bought a Vanilla Coke and it's been down hill every since. Before I
had surgery, I probably drunk at minimum four 20 oz sodas per day of Dr.
Pepper.

** side note** I told him of my carbonated slip and he told me that the
sodas didn't contribute to the new reason for surgery...I had polyps that
weren't removed originally that were supposed to shrink with medications (
yeah!, prednisone. It didn't shrink the polyps but it surely added 15 lbs to
my stomach) but they haven't and they are now rubbing against my
pharynx/larynx and making certain sounds seem distorted as well as making my
glands produce excessive amounts of mucus to lubricate my vocal cords. **
end of side note **

Bottom line...I am about to learn sign language because I am not going
through that process again..unless my throat become oh too painful to
bear....

Tell me what's going on with ya'll so I can get my mind off of my lil' woes
!!!

** puts another Ricola Cough drop in mouth...***

I walk like a Pimp...talk like a mack.

2005-05-17T17:09:00.000-04:00

** the title has nothing to do with this actual post, but now that I have
your attention- you may as well continue reading **

I've decided that this week I will go out of my way to be nice to everyone
that I come in contact with. All of this new found joy and personal
revelations that you bloggers happen to be experiencing could possibly be
rubbing off. * *yeah, right ** Anyway, I am gonna try my best to leave
encouraging words and comments to whomever blog page I visit. (If I don't
fulfill that duty remember that I said I would try !!!) Please note that my
newly instituted "niceness" probably isn't going to be permanent simply
because it's not me. I am sarcastically and verbally combative by nature
and if you've ever read any of my previous works you should expect nothing
less than that but I'm open to change. So let's welcome this new me in with
open arms...** fights sudden urge to shoot the "bird" at everyone within
reading distance **

** SWITCH**

I think I wanna go dancing. It's been a minute since I went salsa dancing.
(ZEE, we should hit up the Havana Club so that I can get my Kae Rodriguez
on)

The term plastic silverware disturbs me.

People who don't believe that a cold sore is a simple form of herpes bothers
me more.

Animals that live on land and don't have legs should be extinct. ( i.e.
Snakes)

Jay-Z tore a new whole in Biggie on 'I love the Dough".

The adverse occurred on "Brooklyn's Finest "....BIGGIE owned that song.

I miss rap music when it was simple and less violent. Kwame was my favorite
rapper before my cousin Reggie hopped in the game. (WHADDUP RED?)

Remember the night before school started and how geeked you were to be able
to step out in your fresh new pair of Jordans (or whatever popular kicks
were out at the time? )

Jordans sure have gotten ugly over the past 5 or 6 years...I remember when
J's didn't even cost a $100 now these mugs costing $175 out the box. No
custom jobs or nothing. Hell I gotta pair of custom dunks for $220 but I
dream to have a pair of these Heineken Dunks (check out the price even
though they are sold out).

Okay what is going on when your boy (he's 41) comes to your crib with a 5XL
t-shirt on...Man, if you don't go change clothes so we can get on these ho's
( ** waves erratically before saying " Hey boo, this happened before we got
together" )

I need someone to buy me an Audi or at least offer some funding. It's gotten
to the point that every time I see one...I want to run the driver of the
said vehicle off the road.

White ( or politically correct Caucasian) girls got asses in the '05...my
sisters you need to be afraid...very afraid. ( Is this what pilates does
for the ass? Got-dayum !!!!) Asian women are coming in with some noticeable
rumps as well.... ( HEY BOO ! I'm not really lookin at no one else's ass but
yours...I'm just repeating what my boys told me)

Has Nia Long gotten on the patch yet? I would hate for her to blow her
chances with me for not being able to kick that nicotine addiction.

Dayum ! Kyle Minogue has chesticle cancer...

I changed my mind about those Heineken Dunks above...I may as well add
another fifty to the pot and get these Haters . First person to step on my
feet will need bail money.

Well gang that's it for today...I guess I'll just go around to each one of
y'all respective blogs and spread around some cheery cheer cheer....

By the way....I gotta keep my ho's intact/(because) I walk like a Pee-yimp, talk like a mack (C) Jay-Z

You don't know me like my Gawd

2005-05-15T16:45:00.000-04:00

Mr. Johnson,

It's been quite a while since you and I've had a chat. Normally If I haven't spoken to a friend in a while I'd use this time to clue them in to the many happenings of my humble existence. Being that you are the omnipotent and all knowing deity that you are, I’ll save myself the trouble of even mentioning the small stuff. But since I honestly believe that you've put me here on this earth for your mere amusement as well as to entertain those that frequent my page, I'll give you a spill of my random life positions that have been plaguing my rather simple thoughts.

First of all allow me to say that I am trying to do the right things with the mortal time that you've granted me. Recently I've found it rather hard to do what's morally justified when you constantly put these ignorant puss holders in my daily path. Why dear O' lord of mine, Why? ...Have I been that bad that you feel that the only way for my redemption is to see how I hold up against the f*cktards of society. Well guess what good Lord of mine? I’m holding up a little better than I myself have even expected. Though I’ve often been on the brink of snapping, I have yet to go the route of the Son of Sam or more recently Brian Nichols. Any period that I don’t shoot anyone, I would estimate as being a relatively good day. “ I didn’t even have to use my AK …today was a good day © Ice Cube.

Now let’s discuss the other undertakings of my days.

Thanks for the new job…it’s greatly appreciated. Yet again, you’ve put me in a place where the intolerable f*cktards outweigh the socially acceptable schmucks. I really want to shout hostile words towards you due to being set in this occupational environment once again, but all is forgotten the moment I see my paycheck. Money may not buy happiness but Mr. Johnson you have allowed me to rent a peace of mind.

I really know some crazy individuals. I try to cut people off but it seems to no avail because people of an even worse caliber or pedigree quickly replace them. Can you please assist me in being a better judge of character? Choosing friends and associates doesn’t seem to be one of my strong points and I could use a few indicators.

I need a PR rep ( Shacarra, you down?)…I need someone to just go around and advertise my devout name. I need a brand or marketing firm…I want to be on the tip of every tongue or in the thoughts of every head. I desire to be plastered as a poster in the dorm room of every female college student. I thought that this blog would grant me some sort of notoriety but unfortunately nothing of the sort has transpired. Is there something that I am doing wrong, or am I just not patient enough.

Why do people assume that dogs have such a bad life?… Should I ever be re-incarnated, I want nothing less than to be a dog. I mean I’d get to sit around all day and lick myself, only to be followed by having some prick feed me and scratch me when ever I come around. To be dogged out, would be a blessing.

Recently I’ve come in contact with people who take my kindness for a weakness. Why must every woman I come in contact with assume that I am trying to holla? ** I need to limit my use of that P*ssy Pumper pheromone cologne. ** What happened to just being cordial and smiling at people. I ‘m off the market right now. I’m not trying to complicate anyone’s life. Though Nia Long will still get it could she come to her senses a realizes that she really loves me.

Why is there Braille on drive thru ATM’s? Just a senseless question that I REALLY want to know the answer to. Being that you know all, I figured I’d send this one your way first.

I’ve got a group of other things to discuss with you but right now I’ll just let them marinate in the far trenches of my wretched mind and assail you with them later.

Your constant outlet for entertainment,

Kae Williams

I'm Homesick....

2005-05-13T15:54:00.000-04:00

I've decided to take this time to let'chall know a lil' bit about me. Many
people often ask me what part of the south I hail from...well let me tell
you.
I was born March 8th, 1976 in Whoop-yerass, Florida. I'm telling you right
now that I haven't been home in quite a while and I'm getting rather home
sick.

Negro, I loaned you a grip and you got the nerve to act like it's
noooooooooooooo bigggg deeeeeeal (F*CK YOU PAY ME (c) Pain in the Ass from
those Jay-Z skits) ...Just cuz I got some extra money, it doesn't mean that
I got some extra time to wait on you to pay me back. You tell me I'll have
my money on Monday, I expect it. As a man, stick to your word. You went like
a lil' b*tch and only put in 1/2 to my checking account, as if I wouldn't
notice or not care about the remainder... I don't need a map or
instructions to Whoop-yerass. I remember how to get there rather well. I
don't really want to visit because people say that I tend not to act right
when I go to Whoop-yerass. Maybe you've never had anyone take you to
Whoop-yerass. Please don't make me the first. It's not a journey that is
for kicks.

Pay me my money nuggah...or this sh*t is gwan git ugly, rudebwoy !!!

Momma Never Said...(C) Kae Williams

2005-05-12T22:13:00.000-04:00

Momma never said that there'd be days like this
If only she'd have warned me there be days I'd be pissed
When I wanted to tell everyone to f*ck off and to suck my d*ck
Curl up and die and to go eat sh*t

Drama with out reason, I don't wish to put up with
Momma never said there'd be days like this

And if she did tell ...I must not have listened
Maybe she went into detail...I didn't pay attention
Maybe she hinted around but never did mention

That there would be days like this...
Days so stressful that you wanted them over with.
Moments so bad, that if passed...you'd never ever miss

And if she did, then I must've been too young
I dismissed it as just talk, thinkin' they'd never ever come
Naive as I was, or maybe just simple minded and dumb
I wish I'd have heard her words, a few, just some...

That would have let me know that I'd have a day like today
A time like this, that I could just wish all way
something, and indication that would allow me to say...

Momma never told me there'd be days like this
A day like today, where I want to call it quits
Where I wanna scream at every one and call them a b*tch
But then again would would it prove...I'd still feel like this...

You aint sh*t pt. III

2005-05-11T21:20:00.000-04:00

I want to take this time to apologize to all of the people that I've done
wrong in the past. I'll try to be specific as I can without naming names.

* To the girl that wouldn't let me cut after what seemed to be a
lifetime...I apologize for stealing some of your cd's, that issue of Vibe
and that floor lamp you had in your sunroom. What were you doing in the
bathroom that long is beyond me but I put that idle time to good use. I
still have that Usher CD. ** Sings Can You Get With It (c) Usher ***

* To the girl that I promised and swore that I deleted our "acts" from my
digital camera. I apologize for allowing my boy to see the footage. You
really outdid yourself on that session.

* To all the girls that I cheated on...I'm sorry. I wasn't really cheating.
I was simply sleeping with other women to remind myself why I liked being
with you. It was more of a re-assurance thing. Hopefully you're not scorned.
I apologize.

* To the girl that told me " Don't shoot in my mouth", I apologize. I
couldn't understand what you were saying - You had your mouth full.

* To the girls that gave me head...and I wouldn't kiss afterwards. I'm
sorry. But If I wanted to taste myself, I wouldn't need you around.

* To the girl that used to only get a call after The Late Show went of- I am
not apologizing to you, it should have been understood what our relationship
consisted of. You told me " Kae, you gonna catch feelings when you get
summa'dis"....Girl, I am P*ssy Pumper Numero Uno...I'm Mr. Butterfingers. I
don't catch feelings. I drop girls and break hearts.

* To the girl that was convinced that I liked her because I picked
her up from work...you're sadly mistaken. I was (really just) trying to holla at'cha
cousin. Just so happens that the only way I could constantly get over to the
house was to chauffer you around to your place of employment.

* To everyone that was so in love with Massai Long....Get over it. He's me,
I'm him. It's dead and done with. If you liked him, you liked me as well
even if you couldn't stand Kae.

* To the girl that I took to Lenox Mall (1996) and she decided that she
wanted to look around and shop with out me. Hell I looked for you for about
45 minutes...It's not my fault that you didn't page me until I got home.

Bet'cha never leave another brothas side while shopping again, huh? Don't be
mad at me you got a lesson out of the whole matter. I apologize for
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU going off on your own in the mall and not having a ride
home. I am truly sorry.

* To the dude that had me catch a charge behind that whole stolen truck
incident- I'm sorry what happened to the tired and paint on your Jetta. **
drops can of lighter fluid, ice picks and cigarette lighter *** Shoulda
got'cha some insurance. That outta pocket costs for them low profile tires
is a b*tch huh?

* To the girl who invited me to dinner and couldn't cook worth sh*t...and I
still ate it in hopes of getting some "beat"...Let me tell you that I am not
apologizing for nothing I am about to say... Both your cooking & your
coochie are horrible. ** Just incase you wonder if this is about you, here's
a hint- You now drive a 2003 BMW 535. Your beauty alone is NOT enough to
keep a man ***

* To all the girls that I got off the phone with and said it was my sister
calling and it wasn't...I'm sorry. I just didn't want to talk to you anymore
and I beeped in by calling the house from my cell phone.

To be continued

This will be one of ya'll

2005-05-10T21:40:00.000-04:00

http://publications.mediapost.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=Articles.showArticleHomePage&art_aid=29415

A WEST NYACK, N.Y. MAN was found dead at his computer apparently the victim
of trying to keep up with too many professional forums. Childress H. Wanamaker, 54, an account executive at a New York-based new media company,died of starvation according to the West Nyack coroner's office. Wanamaker's emaciated body was found by Loraine, his wife of 26 years, who told MediaPost she had been bringing her husband meals on plastic trays for
weeks, but that he never took the time to eat them.

"He was glued to his computer 24/7," she said tearfully. "He was so afraid he was going to miss an opportunity to contribute a comment or start a discussion, that he just stopped eating." She added that Wanamaker's last words were "OK Picard, stick that in your pipe and smoke it..."

Computer forensic specialists from SUNY at Cortland discovered that Wanamaker was subscribed to 48 different forums and networking communities including one apparently having to do with the elderly called "oldtimers" and another apparently limited to just 100 people. They also found that he posted a comment into one forum or another on an average of two per minute every hour of the day for the past seven weeks.

"He felt under terrible pressure to be part of the online community," said his son, Lucian, who says he tried several times to get his father's attention and lure him away from the computer. "The only time he even looked up was when I told him I had seen Dane Madsen trying to steal his car out of the driveway."

Police found what appeared to be an organization chart taped to the wall of Wanamaker's den with lines linking small photos of people unknown to the police including a Tom Hespos and an Adam Boettiger. Neither is considered a suspect in Wanamaker's death.

"Once, I thought I had him," said Lucian Wanamaker, "when I said that mom had made cookies, but half out of his chair, he just sat back down mumbling something about two Roman gods; I believe it was Jupiter and Atlas having some sort of titanic battle. 'Let them eat PIE,' he bellowed banging on his keyboard."

Computer forensic specialists reported that there was no order or continuity to Wanamaker's forum postings. "It looks like he just sort of randomly commented on whatever was in the discussion string at the time," said Stephen Hall, CUNY-Cortland adjunct professor of intemperate and impulsive behavior. "He let nothing go by unchallenged by his own point of view, nor failed to respond to any other community member asking for advice or a new
job. This consumed not only 24 hours a day, but also, apparently, his physical health."

In what must be a record, Wanamaker was linked into to over 15,250 other community members, many of whom he exchanged notes with daily. He also contributed to 375 blogs and was expected to start an online column about the impact of interactive communications on health, when he died.

A virtual memorial service will be held online at a date to be determined.

Edu.kae.tion. 101 Life's lesson

2005-05-10T06:17:00.000-04:00

This is just a list of sh*t that will probably mean more to me than it ever will to you...
No one taught me these things...if they did, I'd be a much wiser person but I had to learn each of these lessons on my own... I pass these words unto you, my dear disciples.

Potential is another name for false hope. Don't live thinking that you have
the potential to do anything. Let your hard work and its merits speak for
your integrity.
Pain teaches you what pride will not allow you to learn.
A running cow carries a whole hide. He who slacks gets slaughtered. Never
stop running after your dream. People will only criticize you when you don't
try. Failure only exists if you don't keep going. If plan "A" doesn't work,
resort to other options. Learn from the mistakes and misfortunes of others
and build upon their unsuccessful plans.
Blood is thicker than water...but which one would you drink? Sometimes
family can be the worst type of enemy.
Success doesn't occur overnight.
Money may be the root of all evil...but if you are ever fortunate to have
enough, you'll be able to afford someone to pull the weeds.
Life is a deal. Everything in life is a sale. Always be closing.
If you get 2nd place-you're still a loser.
Not every woman wants a relationship either. Sometimes women just want to
sleep with you too...ask and you shall receive.
The quickest way to get someone to hear you...is to be silent.
Money doesn't buy happiness...but it sure can make you forget why you are
sad.
Never try to play...how long can I hold my pee?...your bladder will always
win.
Know your limits. It's okay to say no.
Just because some one is your boss doesn't mean that they are
smarter than you. They simply used their resources to get where they are in
life. Opportunity and chance run the world. Stay patient, your day will
arrive.
The greatest revenge is "LIVING WELL". Muhphuckas hate to see ya' doing
good. Live your life.
Any job that you enjoy doing is a hobby.
Being a convenient person never pays off...
Just because she served you...doesn't mean you have to return the favor.
Not all

TO BE CONTINUED....

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

2005-05-09T16:51:00.000-04:00

You muhphuckas making them subliminal blogs/
If it's not directed directly at me
I don't respect you, dawg /

I've said it before and it remains the same/
You want beef w/me...(all you gotta do is )
just say my name/

(c)Kae-Z

Rules Fo' Borrowing Funds (vol. 1)

2005-05-09T10:09:00.000-04:00

Money Lending Edu-KAE-tion 101

1. If I say that you can borrow the money - don't bug me about when I'm
gonna give it to you.
2. Don't ask me on Friday (especially payday Friday) and expect for the
money to still be available on Sunday Night. If you don't come and get it
that day...I'll think you no longer need it and will be sporting a new pair
of shoes and a shirt to match to work on Monday Morning.
3. Don't not expect me to bring you the money. I'm doing YOOOOOOOOOOU a
favor.
4. Don't ask to borrow the money and then just tell me you're on your way
back from the movies with your mate and their kids ( I will quickly assume
that my money will be blown and you have no priorities in life)
5. Don't send me a text message asking can you borrow the money. Ask me
like an adult. Do not belittle me by sending me a text message. Get some
balls and some business about it.
6. Don't ask me for the money and then get embarrassed because I hand it to
you in front of your mate.
7. Don't make me ask you for MY money. It's not a cool look.
8. Don't try to pay me back by taking me out to eat or doing other small
non-monetarily rewarding favors for me. If I wanted to see the Hawks lose,
I'd have bought tickets myself. No I do not want to see Howard Hewitt
perform at the Creflo Half Dollar's Spring Extravaganza. Jus'gimme my money.

9. Don't try to play if off in front of your mate like I'm paying YOU money
back. For the record my rent is NEVER late.
10. Don't borrow money and then let me see you in some new gear before
you've paid me back.
11. Don't get no fresh new cut or hairdo before you pay me back.
12. Those $30 detail car washes must cease until I am paid in full as well.

13. No touch ups or nail fill-ins before I'm paid either.

** new addition***

14. Pay the money back in full. No installments, none of that let me give you 1/2 now and I'll give you the other half on the 3rd payday after BLACK BIKERS WEEKEND IN MYRTLE BEACH.

As a bonus....

* Please don't ask me if I want to see your new camera phone.
* You child should not be riding a new bike nor sporting those $150
Jordans.
* I know those aren't new rims on your car?
* Is this a new couch?
* You went to the Atlanta Fish Market and you owe me $200?
* Is that a new cologne/perfume?
* That's a nice Jersey !!! You had it long?

Ancers to da' queshuns

2005-05-04T13:21:00.000-04:00

Here are the answers to the 3 questions that I've received so far...feel free to ask me some more....

silentbird asked

1. What event/moment has been the biggest turning point in your life?

I think my biggest turning point came in 2002 when my mother, stepmother and both grandmothers passed away Also in that same year I broke up with my long term girlfriend of 5 years. I actually got my first taste of reality, some of the people I labled as friends showed their true colors and I became more self indulgent and personal. I shut myself off from the world and worked on myself. I stopped taking things so serious and just enjoyed the simplicities of life. As long as I can smile at the end of the day...I'm happy now.

2. What have you regretted most in your life up to this point?

My biggest regret in life is having that petty arguement with my mother in December 2000 and not speaking to her ever again. She called me like 2 weeks before she died with that " I don't think I'm going to make it " dialogue. But I figured that since she had made it through so much that she'd triump over cancer as well. She went as far as saying " call me tomorrow" and then she said I love you. My foolish pride only allowed me to say" Yeah alright" and I hung up the phone. I didn't call her back the next day nor did I ever get the chance to tell her that I love her. Pain teaches you what pride won't let you learn.

3.Describe your idea of the perfect woman.

My grandmother.

Sway asked...

1. Are you happy with your life and current lifestyle?

As long as I am on the grassy side of the grave, I'm good. I have no complaints about my life past or present. Everything that I've done up until now I regard as a blessing and wouldn't want to change anything. The good things have been nothing but great to me and the bad things taught me lessons that text books and word of mouth could never give me.

2. What inspired you to start blogging?

My desire to spread my niggorant behavior to the world. It puzzles me that some people are offended by my words and others are intrigued by them. I guess these can be no protagonist with out an antagonist, right? I guess my real inspiration comes from my carnal desires to be a published poet.

3. When ya'll going for sushi again? I'm trying to stay in the mix!

Me and my cousin Carmelcomplexion, aka Meek, aka 2-me ** note to Meek- pick one name and stick to it, sh*t !** ...well anyway like I was saying she and I are at Ru'Sans on Piedmont every FRIDAY @ 8 pm. You are more than welcome to hit us up and join us. (Just let me know and I'll save you a spot). After we leave Ru'Sans it's customary for us to go across the street to Tower Records and peruse the aisles for lost classics for about 2-3 hours.

Belle said...
1. Are you coming to the Chicago blogger thing? If not, why? I'm gon' need you to be there.

Me in Chicago? I dunno. What would I wear? My SuperBlogger Cape would need to be starched and pressed and I'd have to get some new super boots to compete with the likes of Chi's ever present Pimps, correct? I'll have to check my finances after I take some other trips in June to see where I stand. ** I refuse to dip into my Cayman Island money **

2. If you could be any Superhero who would you choose and why?

My grandmother. I say this because she was the strongest person I've ever known as well as the funniest. My grandmother was my best friend in the whole world. I'd give my left arm and a pair of leg-warmers just to hear her rapsy voice for 10 more minutes.

3. Where's your favorite place to relax (outside of your home)?

My most favorite place on Earth to relax outside of my home would be *******drum roll please *******.........Chattanooga, Tennessee. Don't ask me why? Of all the places that I've been to in the world. Chat-town seems to be the most relaxing and drama free place I've ever been. I'd move there in a New York Minute. My second most relaxing place would either be Charleston, SC or Charlottesville, VA (Meek remember when we went sking?)

Yolie asked
1) What's behind the ebonics and humor? I'm asking for a peek at the real Kae.

The reason behind the the humor is that it masks the painful experiences that I've actually encountered in life. As long as I am smiling and being funny, I don't have idle time to think about all that I've gone through. It's a cheaper and more effecient form of therapy. The reasoning behind why I write like it sounds (or in politically correct terms, EBONICS) is because I enjoy challenging others. How many takes did it take the many of you to unduhstann wut eye wuz sayin?

2) Is there something wrong with me, since I can fly through your ebonics postings?

There is nothing wrong with you at all...A)You are either left handed and your brain can decipher things for what they are cognitively. or B)You used to write like that before the school system arranged for that lil' yellow bus to come to your door and pick you up for class.

3) What one thing in life are your striving for at this moment?

The one thing that I'm striving for is to make it to tomorrow. Nothing else matters to me. I live everyday like its my last and I never make plans too far into the future because TOMORROW IS NEVER PROMISED. Matter of fact, Tomorrow is always a day away...
.
Brown Shuga said...

1. Lickie no lickie? (getting you back)

In younger days, I'd have said " I don't eat nuthin' that can get up and walk away from me" but as a steadily approaching 30 year old man my response would be " I'll lick a muhphucka bow-legged'

2. If you could pick 3 bloggers to get with, who would they be? (somebody asked me this same question. I had to bite)

Get with in regards to just meeting, or "get with" in regards to showing them why I am p*ssy pumper # 1? Are these supposed to be bloggers I've actually met?

3. Why are you so "leary" of folks?

When I was 15, I witnessed my cousin getting shot in the head by his childhood best friend. I've never trusted anyone onthat level or to that degree since.

carmelcomplexion asked...

1. What do you want more then anything else in life non material?

A peace of mind and good health.

2. If you had a kid, how would you be the ultimate father?

By being around. My father was NEVER there for me as a child. I don't hold that against him though because that's on him. I turned out to be rather respectable and if my track record proves anything, I'm rather desirable too. LOL ....But seriously though. You're cheating on this one Meek and you know it. * Damn insider secrets *

3. What is your biggest fear?

My biggest fear is to not try. I don't fear failure or rejection. How many people do you know that didn't even attempt to follow their dreams or didn't have the nerves to talk to that person (in a romantic sense). Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real...How can you fear what you've never experienced.

But other than that...I have a great fear of snakes and spiders. I fear spiders because they have too many legs and snakes because they don't have enough. It still amazes me as a grown azz man that a snake can move effortlessly across the ground and through trees.

Miss Salaam said...

1. I know most guys dont think about things like this, but what would be your desired age to be married and doing the family man thing?

My desired age for marriage is or rather was 25..but being that I am now 29, I think that I've missed the mark. I was engaged for a short minute in 2004 and it didn't work out but she and I are rather cordial to one another now. . I have a child on the way so I guess that I may as well be ready for the family thing or at least the fatherhood portion of it even though the mother and I aren't together in a relationship sense. We've decided to just be what we are and that happens to be- parents. Should we ever hook up, be together or anything to that degree is in the power of Mr. God Johnson ( by the way my johnson is what got me in this situation. LOL ). Had this happened to me at age 25, I'd be a mental mess because I think that I'd have let sooooooo many people down...but now I'm at a stage and age in life where I can handle the repercussions of my actions without caring about the opinions of the world. Plus I'm a more financially stable than I once was in the past.

2. What are the top 3 things that you would like to accomplish here on earth before you die?

I refuse to die without someone knowing my name. I try to make a lasting impression on everyone I come in contact. Not sure if I've left a lot of positive impressions (especially in past relationships) but I'm working on it.
I want to get people to understand that if you can survive long enough to talk about it later...it wasn't that serious. What doesn't kill you will either make a good reality show or will become the subject of someone's blog.
Publish a book of poetry or at the least the crazy thoughts that I don't scribe here on my blog.

3. And whats your ultimate sexual fantasy minus Nina Long . .LOL, that you havent experienced that you would love to try?

A sexual fantasy w/o Nia Long? Is that possible? I'm sitting here looking at her picture on my cubicle wall as I type this. Send me a picture of what you look like, complete with your physical stats. After a thorough analysis of the info provided, we can set up a meeting spot and time and I'll attempt to show you my fantasy. j/k

Brown Shuga said...
In reference to my question that you DID NOT answer. I'm referring to those you've met and haven't met. It doesn't matter. Just answer the dagnabbit question! *smile* Mmmmuah!

I find it hard to wanna hook up women that I've never met. Since many of the blogs that I read don't have pics or any indication of physical attributes, I don't think about it. As far as the ones that I have met, there was once a blogger named Latoya that was fine as sh*t, but she happened to be on the coochie bumping end of the sexual scale. I think I was turned on by the fact that she didn't like men...and in the back of my mind (like any other male who encounters a lesbian) thought that I'd be the one to change her. Though she did assure me that had she been into men, I'd be the first one she called. She said that she liked my charm. It's a bummer that she's anti-d*ck. I'd have loved to put the P*ssy Pumper on her.

I haven't met a lot of bloggers (unless I knew them before hand) other than the ones I met at the ATL BLOGFEST and I didn't do a lot of interacting with anyone in that 3 1/2 hour time frame to really form any sense of desire or intrigue of any of you all. Had I consumed more than those two beers, I'd have probably tried to take one of you home but my outfit was looking rather bummy that night..so I decided to quit while I was ahead. But truth be told those two beers had me tore back...I can't believe I used to really drink and now I can't handle a Heinekein and a Corona. ** shakes head in shame ***

UPDATED 5.5.05

Miss Old at Heart asked...

Well i just fell across this here blog , but i wanted to join in on the fun after reading this here Fishgrease Project so here are my questions for the man of the hour

Who is your most favorite singer of all time and why?

That's probably the toughest question anyone has ever asked me. If I HAD to choose one, I'd say Donny Hathaway, but he wrote very few songs and his whole career was basically built around re-working and covering the songs of other artist. He's probably my favorite all around performer or entertainer. I rank Donny Hathaway with Marvin Gaye, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.
My musical list is rather extensive. My favorite outright SANGER (yes SANGER) is Johnny Gill. My Favorite band are The Beatles . ** shhhh, don't tell no one but I also like Frank Sinatra **

If you were a superhero what would be your story, your name, your super power and all that good lame stuff?

My superhero name would probably be Super Cap'n Cool or something catchy like that. I'd protect the world from unjust NIGGORANCE and my only super power would be to show up to the scene of the crime on time. ( No colored people time). I'd fly around the city with my Super Cap'n Cape that has pre-paid flight minutes and if there was ever a crime you'd have to call my Momma an' demz house and she'd send me a text message to my pre-paid cell phone. By day, I'd just be a professional blogger enteraining the likes of you.

Got any baby names picked out for the little youngin yet?

Tyler Symone if its a girl and *don't quote me on this * Tyler Madison if it's a boy. Hell, you can tell the first name is of my choosing, right? But anyway ultimately I just want a healthy child. As long as I can pronounce and spell the name it's good. No ghetto names for me. I want a unisex name to throw off future employers. I like the name Cameron but no one wants to ride w/me on that one...so I don't mention it.

U wanna ax me suhm kweshions?

2005-05-03T16:47:00.000-04:00

Eye am gonna jhump on dee bann-wagin an allow y'all fothermuckers to ax mee a fyoo kweshuns abowt ineee thang u wunt to?

Thair will bee a 3 kweshun limb-it juz lyke ohn air-ry bodee elses blawg paige.

Sew axe away and eye'll anscer ass soon ass eye kan.

** takes another swig of that Billy D. Williams signature edition Colt .45 PREMIUM malt liquor ***

I got'cha ho' card in my back pocket. w/blog reader rules

2005-05-02T23:56:00.000-04:00

I got'cha ho' card in my back pocket (don't make me pull it !!!)

Okay lil' people,

Let's end the charades.... Everyone knows that such and such reads your blog and blah blah blah....and we know that they are not the most perceptive em-effs on planet. That's really not even the issue. We all know that we are capable of writing about individuals and calling them out by name. BUT WHAT'S THE FUN IN THAT? The purpose of the blog (well at least in my case), is to chronicle the chain of events, record the warped thoughts of my mind, and amuse no one other than myself. I've found recently that not only have individuals come to my page attempting to spoil the joy from my written world, they've also tried to do the same to others.
So to make matters simple for all of you imbeciles...i've decided to come up with a list of blog reader rules.

If you think that an entry is about you...heres what you do. May I suggest that you keep your f*ckin' mouth shut and know one will know it's you. If they don't name you specifically then assume that it's about another muhphucka and move along.
Don't call the blog's author askin' " Was that about me?"...if you have to question it, then appearantly some, if not all of it is about you. Why embarrass yourself by asking such a stupid statement only to become more fodder for another entry? Stop the love you save may be your own (c) THE JACKSON 5
Dont try to write another entry on your own blog to refute that person's claims, or accusations about you. These written battles never end cordially. In addition to that you're only bringning attention to yourself.
Don't write an entry apologizing for f*ck ups in attempts to get that person back. Most bloggers have a circle of friends...they will clown the sh*t out of you.Do you know how vast the 'net is...once one person finds out about you-everyone else will in a matter of 3 houts or so. **let me find out about it...i'm linking the hell outta your sh*t **
Don't write a post of your own in someone else's comments...unless you know that person (Brownsuga, you get a pass on this we're cool)
Don't take parts of another bloggers post and use it as part of your own. I will roast you should I find that you've blog-jacked me and didn't gimme proper credit.
If you don't have anything intelligent, witty, or humorous to say...then don't say it...It's our blog, we don't need or want your negativity on it. Respect our space.
Mi casa Su Casa...don't bring in any thing unwanted. Some of us are true writers and use this as a happy medium for the moments when we are inbetween working on our true projects.
This love triangle blog sh*t has GOT TO COME TO AN END. How you gonna have your Uncle's cousin's best friend's sister leave a comment on your blog that details intimate secrets about your previous relationship. Y'all will try to find redemption anywhere, I swear.
if you think that this is about you...it probably is....but why should i give a f*ck?

Whaddaphuck?

2005-05-02T11:49:00.000-04:00

Why do you have on those sandals and socks at work? I'm not talking about those ike/Adidas/Reebok slide-flip flops either ! I mean those hard rubber bottomed suede strapped hippy sandal sh*ts. Please do not come around my cube with that sh*t on and then ask me why do I keep smiling....I keep smiling because it would hurt your feelings if I just blurted out with a loud azz laugh. I'm trying to respect your feelings here !!!
Why do you have on those cargo pants and a dress shirt?...stop it I say...stop it.
It's 80 muhphuckin' degrees outside, why on earth do you have on a sweater? You had the nerve to tell me it's a spring sweater. WTF? Just because it's orange doesn't mean it's meant to be worn past April 21st aka the first day of spring. Dude, this is GA, that spring sweater sh*t might fly north of the Mason-Dixon Line but 'round these parts short sleeves are mandatory when you see the cars covered in pollen.
Why are you 25 yrs old with those d*mn braids in your hair? You must be trying to audition for the sequel to Menace II Society, huh? Get'cha O-Dawg lookin' azz to the barbershop as soon as you take your lunch break .
Your daughter's name is Laquishania and you wanna know why she can't getta job !!! **shakes head * "Hmmmm, I wouldn't have a clue.
You can't pass a urine test and you have the nerve to say that the system (aka THE MAN) is holding you back. Pass the dutchie to the left hand side and ease away from the chronic cipher. Puff-puff and let it pass on by you....weed doesn't pay no bills.
All you watch is BET all day and you haven't the slightest idea why your 3 year old child can "pop that coochie" and A-town stomp with the best of 'em. That sh*t ain't cute.
Yo baby daddy left'chu for an uglier woman. My suggestion for your next relationship- GIVE HEAD. IT SOLVES PROBLEMS. Just do it (c) some creative marketing genius at NIKE.
You wanna know why your girl is creeping out on you. Streets say all thatback breakin' you claim to be doing comes from your day time job as a professional box thrower. Ya girl says that your skills in the sack are wack" To make matters worse, she gives me the eye when I come around. I think " I THINK SHE LIKES ME (c) Da' Franchise Boyz
You make $8 an hour at a pawn shop and you question me about how and why I can eat out everyday !!! Mayne, If you don't get'cha hands outta my pockets.
How you gonna steal my TNN/VERTIS MEDIA pen off my desk and say it's yours. (That by the way used to be my old job and I've never heard mention of your name the whole time I was there) Gimme my pen back old b*tch bastard.
If your gut sticks out further than your booty does...I really think that you and I can only be friends. Theres no future in yo frontin' (c) MC Breed
What was that b*tch thinking when she ran off from her fiancé? Have you seen how big her eyes were? She was lucky someone wanted her crazy azz. She should've been the broad that Brian Nichols stayed with during his last few hours of his rampage. That would have been a crazy combination. U think?
Did'ja see Bobby Brown on that VH1 New Edition special...I've come to accept that maybe he hasn't always been crackish. I will attest that the boy is more manic depressive than I could ever be. He needs to take lithium tablets on a regular basis. * note to Bobby * Don't drink water immediately after taking the tablets...they make your mouth taste like metal * end of note to bobby * What was wrong with his jaw? How does your mouth twist to the side like that. I sincerely believe that Bobby is attempting to live out the 5 Heartbeats and become the true Eddie King Jr.
Can you not speak and be cordial w/o the other person assuming you're trying to holla?
I don't think the world understands my hatred of the telephone. I'm lost w/o my cell phone but I hate using it. Coming in a close second is Yahoo/Hotmail IM...can I log on first before you send me a msg, please? I gotta message one time before my buddy list even popped up ** I was like how is that possible **
Don't call me talkin' 'bout we need to talk? You got me on the phone spill your guts now...
If say good morning to you when I first arrive at work-DO NOT expect me to speak every other time that I walk past your desk. ** you need friends, seriously you do. **

THIS LIST WILL BE CONTINUED...

Norwegian Court Convicts First Woman for Rape

2005-04-29T13:13:00.000-04:00

It's official...I am about to get my sue-ification on. I will now be forced into going to sleep with my man tool exposed just so I can reap the benefits....

Norwegian Court Convicts First Woman for Rape

OSLO (Reuters) - A Norwegian court has sentenced a woman to nine months in jail for raping a man, the first such conviction in the Scandinavian country that prides itself for its egalitarianism. The 31-year-old man fell asleep on a sofa at a party in January last year and told the court in the western city of Bergen he woke to find the 23-year-old woman was having oral sex with him.

Under Norwegian law, all sexual acts with someone who is "unconscious or for other reasons unable to oppose the act" are considered rape. The court sentenced the woman Wednesday to nine months in jail and ordered her to pay 40,000 Norwegian crowns ($6,355) in compensation. "This is a very harsh sentence," the woman's lawyer, Per Magne Kristiansen, told the Norwegian news agency NTB. The woman argued the man had been awake and consented. The
prosecutor had sought a 10-month sentence and argued the court should not be more lenient with a woman than a man. It was Norway's first conviction of a woman for rape.

Norway has long traditions of equality -- 40 percent of the cabinet of Prime Minister Kjell Magne Bondevik, for instance, are women.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050428/od_nm/crime_norway_sex_dc

Y'all aint ready for me...I'm bout to be rich... ** books flight to Norway via Soulplane Airlines **
Y'all better get up on this email blog thang for real...

Bouncing Checks...

2005-04-29T10:52:00.000-04:00

Yes, gang I recently just bounced a check. Not a check in a monetary sense, but recently I just had a reality check that just threw me off course. I just spoke to someone that I used to adore the phuck out of during my college years. Be that as it may, I could never get past the zone because she simply stated that " We could never hook up (This was like 1996), because you're like a brutha to me". Well I'm pretty keen , and I'm able take a direct hint such as the one stated. So when she said that, I secretly longed to be with her but never pursued it. ( D*MN those secret crushes.) But anyway she and I used to chill out all the time...Hell I we even went as far as sleeping in the same bed (HER IDEA) and actually just going to sleep (though I wanted to roll over and let her feel the wrath of my man tool.) I stayed cool.

** Side note** How in the hell do woman tease men that they have no intentions of hooking up with by getting in the bed w/them with nothing on but a sheer t-shirt and some V-Strings. How am I supposed to fight off an erection when you got'cha hair pulled back in a pony tail w/ just drawz on and you're laying with your back against mine, rubbing my calves with your gorgeous feet? ** end of side note**

Okay now fast forward, 9 years, 3 months, 6 days, 18 hours, 12 minutes and two vanilla cokes later (but really though, who's counting?)

Melissa- " Kae, you know when we used to hang out ALL the time at CAU"

Me- "Uh, yeah-whaddabout it?

Melissa- " I used to wonder why you never tried to push up on me...I mean we spent soooooooooo much time together"

Me- Uhm remember January 23rd, 1996 you told me that "We could never hook up and that I was like a brotha to you? And if we did it would feel like incest?

Melissa- " I didn't think you took that serious, you know I liked you.

Me ** scratchin' head and trying not to hang up the phone out of disgust**
"Then why didn't you just tell me you like me? "

Melissa- " You never asked"

Me- ** what the f*ck?** I never asked? Who asks " DO YOU LIKE ME?" kinda
sh*t is that?

Melissa- I liked you then and I still like you.

** this might be where I get wrong ***

Me- You're cool but I just don't see you like that (thinks to self AT ALL !!!) 10 years ago I'd have jumped through hoops to get you to show me some attention and you wanna drop this sh*t on me now.

Funny how the tables turn...I really don't understand the point of telling someone 10 years down the line that you like them. Do you know the amount of puddy I've had in that 10 years? I just don't see you like that anymore. We used to be the best of friends and now where just casual acquaintances. Hell at one time you even tried to hook me up w/ your cousin (as fine as she was, good Lawd, Mr. Johnson) There is no way possible that you can like me today simply because I am not the same person that I was a decade ago.

Why do people do this? What satisfaction can you get from telling someone that you liked them 120 months ago. Let the past be the past especially if you know that there are outstanding circumstances that would hinder any possibility. Girl, you gotta kid and a crib w/him what's better than that (c) T.I. - "I cant be your man"

The world is a big comedy show just waiting for me to sit back and laugh at
the follies of it all.

Change G'wan come

2005-04-27T16:26:00.000-04:00

What dee ras cas blood clot. Me no k-hare 'bout ju essholes. Kill 'em dead.

I've got to get over. I've got to cut some of you muhphuckas loose. I'm relatively drama free and it seems like some of y'all promote drama like The Source Magazine does it's beef w/ Eminem. I am about to be like Ms. Insightful and just outsource my drama to someone who might be more competent in handling Niggorant behaviors. I love people, Lawd knows I do but some of y'all just make me want to curse, d*mn and forsake your paltry existence. It's funny but some of y'all I've known for more than 20 years and I never would have thought that I'd reach a point in my life where I'd HAVE to stop dealing with you. I tried to limit my time around some of you to no avail. I used to think that it was me that was the crux of this quandary but the moment we blessed the other with our presence, the temporary hostility and tension of being around an asshole such as yourself promptly surfaced and reared it's ugly soul. I won't go as far as saying that I hate you...but I will not stop short of saying that I dislike the person that many of you have become.

I am a fool of my own design...I say this because many of these relationships should never have lasted this long. I was a fool to hold onto something past it's expiration date. It doesn't work for milk and eggs and it doesn't work for friendships either. I kept many of you phucks close to me because of the time invested and the good times involved. ** What was exciting to us in our teens and early 20's, shouldn't excite us 10-15 years later *** But with age comes wisdom and I've learned that not every investment is beneficial or profitable. Our friendship is neither. It's easy to dwell on the good times but the matters and circumstances that have brought us to this point overshadow and outweigh the laughter and smiles. As rain eventually washes away potentially fertile soil, tears do the same to any and all possibility of us re-vamping a base for friendship.

To those of you that I am terminating contact I will no longer be responding to your emails, phone calls or other forms of communication. If you don't hear from me, don't fret about it, just let it go...take a deep breath and move on.

_kae williams_

This installment of The Fishgrease Disclosure Project is sponsored by Dickens Cider. Your evening isn't complete until your girl has a lil' Dickens Cider.

PHUCK YOU (ckuf you)

2005-04-27T01:00:00.000-04:00

Today while fighting traffic during my daily hour long commute home I thought of all the people I couldn't stand and decided to send you all a message.

PHUCK YOU to

The evil forces that kept me employed at TNN for 3 years. I've moved on now.
The girls in my life that sucked but didn't swallow my throat yogurt. FYI ....Pre-ejaculation and ejaculation comes from the same source...
That beeyotch H. Jackson for attempting to play me my Freshman year in college. You made me the hard person I am now.
Those dudes that jumped me for my Starter Jacket in the 8th grade, broke my jaw and caused me to bite off the tip of my tongue...Thanks for crushing my larynx with that miniature Louisville Slugger and causing me to have the voice problems that I suffer from today.
To P.Lackey for killing my cousin De'drick when I was 15, thus forcing me to move to VA.
RJ Reynolds Tobacco Co. for not having a anti smoking campaign when my mom was a teenager. Maybe such preventative measures would have detered her from partaking in the very activity that eventually caused her death.
Every girl that thinks that just because I have gotten to know them better that I LIKE them more.
Everyone that doesn't put my cousin Reggie Noble ( aka Redman) in their top 5 favorite rappers of all time.
Anyone that believes I slightly resemble Marques Houston
Anyone that doesn't like my raspy voice.
Those that don't like Sushi.
Those responsible for the Chappelle Show season 3 to be delayed.
Disney for making Eddie Murphy believe he doesn't need to return to stand up.
Anyone that under estimates the power and sexiness of short men.
Y'all ghetto women with orange hair and gold teeth that think because i'm playing with your lil' son in the Old Navy line that I am inviting myself to be a step-daddy.
Nike for not making Dunks ID available on the website. ** spends that $120 on something else***
Any (record) label that won't give Johnny Gill another solo deal.
Anyone who wears red socks and brown pants.
Life in general for taking my grandfather and stepfather from me at age 13.

New Additions

Dominique Dawes (yeah the gymnast) for not taking my "holleration" attempt seriously. She had the nerve to say that I was hella cute (I'm handsome, even), that I was hilarious (go on girl) and that she couldn't understand why I was single...Point of the matter is that she said all of that and still didn't let me hit. As fate and my luck would have it-I lost her number.
Kandi Burress (from Xscape) for going on tour and coming back like I was s'posed to just sit back and wait. So what you had a BMW and a platinum album. I was at CAU. ** I don't think y'all heard I was a Coochie Ass University aka Clark Atlanta Univ** I was 19 years old Kandi, there was no way even for a cool spot in hell that one could expect me to just let an ample amount of coochie just go unexplored, unchartered and untapped. You seemed rather hurt when you paged me and I called you back askin' "Kandi, who?" My bad shawty...But hindsight has shown me that it would''ve never worked out anyway. Not because I couldn't handle the fame but simply because your solo album was like a prostitute's mouth- it sucked. How could I brag about'cha to my boys and you had a brick on the music charts. You're better off where you're at...I'm no good for you shawty?
My aforemention cousin Redman aka Reggie for not putting me on...Now I'm a struggling spoken word artist. I could've been the vision that Russell Simmons had with Def Poetry Jam but naw you wanna fame block a bruh, wit'cho stankin' azz. LOL
Old Navy for not makin' nothing that I can wear to work. They got all ranges of sh*t for women and all we get is 3 dress shirts, khakis and jeans.
GAP for no longer making the GAP BLUE colonge. Now I gotta go to the outlets and pray that they have some.
Anyone that doesn't recognize the genious of Ray Charles, Donny Hathaway, Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye and deez nutz !!!!
Those who don't wanna do a joint business venture with me. * That I idea that I had for a sexual drink was a good idea. The name Dickens Cider was flawless. The slogan was even perfect. Imagine this on a billboard. " The evening isn't complete until your girl has some Dickens Cider" ...how could you not want this? How? Still looking for financial backers....
My Pops for not coming around..N*gga, why did I have to come and track you down? ** we're cool now but this particular f*ck you is from childhood pain.** I have a F*CK YOU savings account and you had a deposit or two in it, so I thought I'd make a withdrawal on your behalf. PHUCK YOU, POPS.
whoever stole my Acura 3.5 back in college. Do you know how much coochie you cost me? Couldn't you just steal the rims w/o burning up the WHOLE CAR? What good was lo-jack if you stole the car when I was in class? B*tch Bastards, I hope you break down 20 miles from civilization and have to walk to the nearest town in a pair of flip flops and a wifebeater while fending off wild animals and trailer park drug addicts.
G. Moise for having that d*mn Virgin Island accent and making it hard for everyone else I come in contact to compete. ( I couldn't understand 1/2 of what you said but the tone of it all was enough to just make me say okay to most of it )
Jay-Z for retiring and making 50 cent the king of whatever is left of rap music.

more to come....

2005-04-26T15:52:00.000-04:00

....

To Whom It May Concern:

I’ve come to realize that sometimes in this card game of love and life that sometimes you gotta know when to hold ‘em. Now when to fold ‘em. No when to walk away. No when to run…It’s amazing that a simple country song or any song for that matter can speak volumes to the emotions that are inside of you. I’ve begun to grasp the reigns of reality and accept the fact that some people just aren’t meant to be in my life. * I say this to former lovers, acquaintances and friends alike * I try to throw hints but I see that I really must hand these hints to the majority of you clueless phucks because the translation is getting lost the moment the hint leaves my hands. If I don’t speak to you in two months ---it’s safe to ascertain that I’ve moved on and you, too (being granted the same 60 day window ) should have accomplished the same. I understand that there are not many people in this world that are capable of getting under your skin, telling you the truth as you need to hear it, or demonstrating to you the meaning behind my P*SSY PUMPER # 1 title. But there comes a point in life where you either stay behind or outgrow the situation. In this instance I believe that I am outgrowing the situation. It’s not a slight to you by any means. Without question, you are probably a good person, friend and or lover (take your pick, as this applies to more than one person), but you’re just not that good for me. * Harsh realities are prevalent* I’ve come to accept that the relationship that we have or the common bond that we share are more of a hindrance than a benefit. We need people around us that make us want to strive for better and for me you’re just not that person or maybe for you, I am not that person. Bottom line we need to cut ties. If you don’t hear from me within the next 7 days…consider yourself cut off. I am no longer able to hold ‘em. I have now chosen to fold’em. I have decided to just walk away …please don’t make me run.

Da' Luv dat movies destroyed....

2005-04-25T16:17:00.000-04:00

The Love that Movies Destroyed...

Okay ladies here it is simple and plain…those bullsh*t girl flick movies that you’ve been watching since age 14 are fake. Realize this now. Stop thinking that you’re gonna snatch you up a Taye Diggs when you go to Jamaica with your girls next summer. Stella got her grove back, not Rasheda. Brown Sugar/Love and Basketball isn’t gonna come true either. Just because y’all two share a passion for hip-hop and basketball doesn’t mean that it’s gonna work out. I’ve yet to hear a dude say, Her jump shot is sexy or I’m gonna be with her because her cd collection is the bomb.
Wake up scratch ya butt and then smell the coffee grinds of that beverage call R.E.A.L.I.T.Y.

Don’t think that because you’ve moved on and you’re getting ready to walk down that aisle with that other dude that we’re gonna run up in the church and stop the wedding…Naw, it’s not gonna happen. Matter of fact many of us will likely help fund your new marital bliss if that means getting your attached asses away from us. Don’t think that the BEST MAN or THE WOOD is gonna happen either. *Damn what movie that I mentioned wasn’t Taye Diggs in? * It’s useless for you to spend your $8.25 on these movies and then think that there’s some man out there that’s gonna be your Hollywood emulating Knight in shining armor !!! Shit’s not gonna happen. Matter of fact it’s never happened. Now there might be some similar cases of a Thin Line Between Love and Hate occurring but that’s about it.

That scene in Deliver Us From Eva where L.L. shows up at ol’ girls job on the white horse…isn’t gonna muhphuckin’ happen. First of all how many (black) men do you know that even know where to go get a horse from, much less ride one?

Those scenes in The Brothers where we stand around lookin’ all cute and oiled up, shooting baskets while talkin’ about your trifling asses…does not occur. If I ever seent my boy oiled up…I’m whoppin’ ass.

The whole Breakin’ all the Rules movie was cute…but us men have an unwritten code of conduct…had such behavior occurred in real life Jamie Foxx would have gotten his ass whooped (repeatedly).

Two can play that game…the title alone is true. We can all play that game of play or be played, but the bottom line is that once either of us catch on that the other is back out there…One of us will simply move on. There are too many other “potentials” to be playing cat and mouse.

Now as good of a movie that Love Jones is…let me break it down for you. Sh*t is not ever, never, whenever gonna muhphuckin’ happen. I don’t give a d*mn if you meet Darius Love Hall at Lenox Square Mall on the 3rd Sunday of the movies 10 year celebration of it’s release. It’s not real. There is not a black man alive that is gonna ride a beat up ass motorcycle in the rain while his girl is on the back with no helmet on. Plus don’t no men still smoke KOOL ™ cigarettes. If one of our shady boys holla’d at one of our girls…we’d cut you both. Additionally, I’ve been to a thousand poetry/spoken word spots and being an artist myself, I’ve yet to be in some dark, dismally smoky establishment where people applaud by snapping their fingers and saying incoherent tribal chants. Sh*t does not happen outside of an AMC/Regal theater. Get over it ladies…Go to your nearest man and just say loudly that”I accept you for who you are. Never again will I attempt to measure you up to Denzel Taye Chestnutt-Moore. I know that you have faults and I’ll try to help your triumph over your shortcomings or ignore them altogether. I love you and whenever I feel the need to measure you up against those silly movies, I’ll give suck your d*ck and make you pancakes in the morning. "

With that said...please ladies watch those dreamy, unrealistic movies and regard them as unlikely scripts to be used as entertainment only or else you'll be the next true installment of the 24 hour Lifetime Movie Marathon.

** I know the Lady Bloggers from friday will tear me a new a$$hole for this one ****

I didn't win the lotto...but i did make some new friends.

2005-04-23T08:35:00.000-04:00

This will be the last of my random thoughts for a while. My next posts will actually stick to one subject.

What the f*ck do you do when you win $207 million? Hell I don't know I didn't win. But catch me next week shawty when my 4 quarters turn into big MONEY.

" I'm a hustla" by Cassidy should get him up there with the ranks of Tupac and Biggie. I don't mean in lyrical ability, I mean shot dead. Hustla's everywhere should put a shot in his head just for revealing the hidden huslter codes. I 'ma a busta, I'ma -I'ma-i-ma bust homey...ask about me -* that's what the song should say **

Friday Night.. The Blogger Convention

Some of the bloggers have actually had the dishonor of meeting me in person. It was a tad bit impromptu for me being that my intent was to meet my cousin for sushi and head to the crib. My attire said just as much for my intentions as this post did. I looked like i didn't have a job at all..Sorry that I didn't live up to the Denzel-Tyrese-Christopher Williams assumption that my writing style has fooled many into believing. Hell I never said I was even cute. I did attest to me not being an all out eyesore. Next time, if i'm invited I'll be a lil' mo' presentable.

Some of these bloggers ( hell all the the ones in attendance sans Brotha Code, no offense bruh but no dice) were sexy as hell. I have to give it to ya'll ladies...y'all did the d*mn thing. Had I not known of your ability to consume large amounts of AL-KEE-HALL, I'd have made a move like the big fake Richard T. Johnson dude that was hollarin' at SWAY. LOL....But * you know there's always a but * I saw just how much ya'll could drink and I knew at first glance that I couldn't afford n'an one of you.

I've had the privilege of discovering that we're not all as technologically advance as others.... Where in the hell do you get one of these? CLICK HURR --> BROWNSHUGAS STATE OF THE ART 8x10 Photo Poster Maker. You mean to tell me that you can still purchase floppy disks? WHAT THE HELL? I've never seen a camera (well not recently) that you can record a whole 60 seconds of video...D*mn!!! Or if you opt to use the photo only mode you can get 28 pics onto a floppy. Phenomenal !!!! I am flabbergasted !!! My lil' pocket size camcorder had nothing on this camera. I mean it had a display screen that was twice the size of my camera. It was like looking at pictures in an I-max screen. It even had it's own airport approved rolling/cart carrying case.

I got's to get me one of d'em....jokes aside though had someone given me one of them for the free-nintey-nine.. I'd be takin' that muhphucka everywhere. I'd be the digital Gordon Parks. I 'd have me a Blog Beauty of the Week Contest and all.... * thinks of BIG BOOTY BLOG BABES GONE WILD as a working title *

Well I gotta go....

ohhhhhhhhh....I'm telling....

2005-04-23T01:34:00.000-04:00

Yeah....so tonight...i went out with my cousin and low and behold she and I decided to go to this "BLOGGER MEET AND GREET"...I must say that I had a blast. I will not disclose the location but I will say that it was the most fun I've ever had w/people I've never met. By the night's close, I will say that I was sad to see it end. Gang I admit that I was a lil' leary of meeting you all but I am happy that my cousin twisted my arm and made me go....

My next question is ....when are we taking a road trip to see Brutha Code in D.C?

Holla back.....

Ladies and Gents...I bring you...more ran.dumb.ness

2005-04-20T22:46:00.000-04:00

"You had me, you lost me, you wasted your coffee, I don't want you here
messing with my mind"-Joss Stone

Ladies and Gentlemen: please ... ...

* Make sure that your weave matches the texture of your 'riginal hurr.
* Don't wear sandals with your pinky toe hanging off the edge
* Don't go out the house with your arm pits all hairy..the Chewbacca look is
not cute.
* Don't think that just because I spoke and said " Hi" to you on the elevator or
held the door open for you that I am trying to holla.
* Don't assume that just because you see me lookin' over my shoulder as you
pass that I was lookin' at YOUR ass....for the record your friend
Keisha-quandralexis has a bigger butt and it was her that I was peeping.
* Don't pull up beside me blasting your radio and there's a ticking sound
coming from up under the hood.
* Don't wear that white blazer with those jeans...matter of fact don't put
on that white blazer w/ anything.
* Don't spend all your money getting your nails done and your HURR is
busted. Prioritize. Men can tolerate you not having a fill-in or a manicure
but those beedy beads on your neck line must be attended to at all time.
(Thank the lord for the GOOD Hurr'd sistas I'm messing with)
* Don't under estimate what us lil' dudes might be packing...Big thangs come
in small packages. If you're daddy is short ask ya momma for proof.

The soiled soul of kae williams...

A LESSON BEFORE DYING

2005-04-20T21:16:00.000-04:00

A lesson before dying...

I know one of you summa 'muhb*tches ratted me out...My cousin couldn't have
been that perceptive to my writing style to figure it out w/o some
hint...Long story short, I've been discoved. Yes, it is true I am the
mastermind behind the alias Massai Long.
Ms. Insightful, I kept it up for as long as I possibly could but I've been
discovered. Only two people knew that it was I and I have a good suspicion
(*hell I know it wasn't Ms. Insightful because I created the alias for her)
and it only leaves one person. I won't even put that person on blast though.

So not only will I no longer keep up with that blog...The Short Version of
the Long Story...I will not frequent this one as often either. I have
another blog that I promise you no one will discover because it is so simple
it's difficult to find. If anyone knows my favorite singer then it shouldn't
be hard to find by just searching blogspot.com...But should you stumble upon
it and find your name in the entries, please don't be upset. It's simply my
journal...no holds barred

Mommy, I don't feel so goooooooooood (more ran.dumb.ness)

2005-04-16T08:57:00.000-04:00

*mental note to self ***

Kae, Do not mix excessive amounts of SUSHI w/ a VENTI Frappacino from Starbucks...it will confuse the living sh*t out of your intestinal system at weird hours of the morning.

***End of mental note to self **

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GRAYSE, I won't mention the excursion w/my cousin 2-me and I...I am sure she'll take care of that on her own.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've spent about $300 dollars in buying cd's this month....I gotta cut that sh*t out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANOTHER KAE WILLIAMS SELF DIAGNOSIS

Today, I am diagnosing my self as been inflicted with ADD...Actually Dont give a Damn.
Ever had some one talking to you and you know that what they are saying is important, yet you just wanna interrupt them and say "WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP?'' ... I really don't care to hear how you and your bi-sexual friend made a porno flick while waiting for church to begin on the second sunday following the death of Johhny Cochran !!! What they hell does that have to do about you swallowing my male member throat yogurt? ** okay may be that ain't happen like that but you get my drift **

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This no longer being P*ssy Pumper # 1 is going to take some getting used to... IIt's hard turning down the "beat"... You can only be sleepy or too tired but for so long.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well muhphuckas, it's a gorgeous Saturday...I am gonna take some benadryl and get out into the wind....

I got my swagger back (ran.dumb.ness)

2005-04-15T17:07:00.000-04:00

1. Jay-Z (re: the above quote) is a funny dude if you read in-between all of the stuff he says. Buddy has a really funny yet sarcastic sense of humor. Jay, should look me up and see if I’m available to hang with him.

2. Men don’t cheat…we simply need a reminder as to why we’re with you ladies every now and then. So ladies remember when you see you’re man out doing what you suspect is dirt..don’t over react. He’s not cheating-he’s reminding himself why he’s with you. He’s using her to reassure himself of his affection for you. Sure it sounds like bullsh*t now…but let it sink in…I’m being sincere.

3. Now that my attempts at being P*ssy Pumper #1 in the live’s of most women is dead…expect to be approached by lame men everywhere who once felt intimidated by the mere mentioning of my name.

4. I can’t keep track of phone #’s in the written form. (see previous post)

5. The best album I bought this year is the soundtrack to the movie “Ray” entitled More music from Ray or something like that.

6. I wonder if I take you home…would you still be in love (baby) © Lisa-Lisa and Cult Jam. My answer is probably not Lisa unless you let me lick your chesticle one mo’ gin. She had some bazooka launchers on her chest…WTH?

7. I really wanted to be Slick Rick in the 7th grade. Hell I was the only dude in Marietta w/ a pair of Bally shoes. I was before my time.

8. I haven’t had a hair cut in three weeks. I look like a wavy dirty q-tip.

9. Fella’s drinking nothing but water the day you know your gonna get’cha some “beat” will give you length, girth and stamina like you’ve never seent before….* Consider that a tip from the now reformed P*ssy Pumper # 1. Keep in mind that you’ll be peeing 100 times more than normal but that’s because your hydrating your sytem and bloodstream. The bloodstream is key because it’s the bloodflow that makes the GOLDEN ROD erect. Water increases the movement of oxygen in your system and etc…simply put…you’ll be bangin’ it out..if you’re still not living up to the precedent I set…either hit a corner of the walls or stop trying to hit the women I already hit, you’ll drown f*ckin’ behind me. LOL

10. Ladies, Don’t suck the d*ck if you don’t want no seminal fluids in your mouth…To do that to a man is like buying a ticket to Six Flags and then not riding any rides. A waste of time and resources.

11. Never tell a man “ I don’t know how to ride real good”…hell it’s not like you started off riding a bike w/o training wheels either- We’re patient and we’re willing to teach you.

12. Am I the only one secretly cheerleading to see if Brian Nichols can do it again? ** maybe I shouldn’t have said that, huh?”

13. As my life experience has shown me…I’ll probably die a young ,violent and sudden death. I still believe that the dream I had about me dying inside a yellow car will come true. Needless to say that I haven’t been in a yellow car since then.

14. Ladies, if your nipples ever itch…I’ll scratch them for you.

15. I can’t ever remember my home phone number.

16. Glenda Moise….? Good Gawd, almighty. From the Virgin Islands, that accent, the looks…10 d*mn years ago…and I’d still bet that she’s finer than a muhphucka.

17. If you have ugly feet, I gotta let’cha go.

18. My new alias is Kae Charles…( you didn’t see that one coming huh?

19. Whitney Houston is my favorite functional drug addict….I wish she’d just show up and be like “ I’ll suck ya d*ck for a song” or something…

20. I love the ATL but hate the pollen.

21. The Micheal Jackson trial isn’t over him and the kids…ultimately its about his owning the majority of THE BEATLES music catalog.

22. The idea of Magic Johnson handling food at an area Burger King disturbs the living sh*t out of me.

23. So Micheal Vick is Ron Mexico aka Mr.Herpes.com…that doesn’t surprise me at all.

24. Mista Snuffalufagus (from Sesame Street) has lost a lot of weight…either he’s on that sh*t or he’s been on that subway diet with Jared.

25. Am I the only one that thinks that 50 cent and the whole G-unit crew are wack?

26. Eminem is really a disturbed individual. Sure I’ve wanted to kick a few ex’s in the side of their lymph nodes but I don’t have the strength or trunk space to take them to a near by lake and dispose of them in that manner.

27. The catch and release tactic is good for “fly” fishing but not for fishing in my “fly”…Ladies, if you’re gonna reach for the rod catch what we spit at’cha and swallow…all of that spittin’ it out makes us men feel as though we’re not liked.

Starbucks,the new job, and yours truly

2005-04-14T20:03:00.000-04:00

First and foremost read this -click here-

Okay now with that out of the way let me let'cha know who works w/me at my new job?....yep you guessed it...Ms. Starbucks.
When I tell you that she is fine...good googly gooh !!!...Nia Long is quickly a close second. (That took strength to say that. Sorry Nia)...

Well Tuesday morning while on my usual slow stroll into the 4 walls that is commonly referred to as "THE OFFICE", I spot her. Well not only did I spot her she actually slowed down and called out my name...which really caught me off guard. Who would be callin' me "Kae" during business hours. Luckily we were getting on the elevator alone or she'd have been really embarrassed, simply because I didn't know how or where this fine girl knew me from. I remembered the face, hell I remembered the body. But I didn't remember her name nor where or how we met. She quicky stated in her lil' Brazilian accented-broken english " You o'nt remember me from Starbucks...**rewind** Y'all ain't hear me say she remembered MY NAME. We spoke for all of 10 minutes that day some 5-6 months ago and she remembered MY MUHPHUCKIN' NAME. Do you know how flattering that sh*t is? Dawg, I couldn't stop blushing. *fast forward* So we're walking to the elevator and she jumps on me for never calling...I explained the situation and what happened and she quickly says that since I have a new job she'd like to take me to lunch to celebrate my new occupation. Upon saying that she reaches into her briefcase ( none of the broads I know carry a briefcase...got me thinkin' she all important and sh*t) and pulls out her plastic business card...and says call her at her office to schedule a lunch "date".

**before you start thinkin' ....Kae is the Man...D*mn he's a lucky dude...I wanna be like him.....it gets worse ***

Between the time she got off the elevator and I got to my desk....I lost the muhphuckin' business card. 46 seconds. I couldn't keep up with the d*mn card for 46 motherf*cking seconds !!!! Mr. Johnson, I should kick you dead in the back of the esophogus for this autrocity you've bestowed upon me. I know I put the card in my wallet...Who picked my pockets, took my wallet,got the card and put my wallet back in my pocket in the 46.3453 seconds that it took me to get to my desk and attempt to call? Lifes a b*tch, and she cock-blocks me every chance she gets...

It doesn't matter anyway though...because I am sorta-kinda-1/2 way-almost-close to being in a situation with someone.

*** Pulls the leaves off of that once lucky four leaf clover***

I'm back you summa'b*tches...

2005-04-13T01:32:00.000-04:00

Can't nobody hold me down
oh no...I got to keep on moving.
(C) Puff Daddy aka P.Diddy aka Sean Combs

Y'all mummaphuckas can't hold me down. Delete me. Hate me. Do what you do! I'mma still be here...You can shut me down-but you can't shut me out.

I don't know what happened to my "the fishgrease project" ..but hopefully this installment will stick around a lil' bit longer.

Ladies, Gentleman, Sons, daughters, Muhphuckas and Biotches- I bring to you

The Fishgrease Disclosure Project (c)

The Fishgrease Project

The legacy Continues....

Ran_dumb_ness

Another invitation (sent from my vacation)

I'm still alive....

RE: I've got gas....and other Ran.Dumb.Ness

Special invitation (update)

Things you need my help to remember

10 Signs that you're gonna have a sh*tty day.

THINGS THAT I HATE....

Yo man ain't flyer dan me...(I'll show 'em how to stunt)

My personal civil rights movement © martin luther KAEng.

Does Wayne Brady Have to Choke a B*tch? © Wayne Brady on the chappelle show....

Well Happy Phuckin' Friday to you, too !!!

The intelligently ignorant ravings of Sir Kae Williams

Can't think for sh*t.....

Hit Dogs.....

Therapy is expensive...So I'll vent here.

I started out with nothing....

it's 95° in the shade....

Operation Hateration is still a go...

Today's Entry is sponsored by....

I forgot about ch'all (w/ RAN.DUMB.NESS)

I'm not mean; I've just been in a bad mood for 29 years

MY PSA to y'all...

Who's next?

Mr. Johnson

I'm on a mental sabatical....

4th of July Cookout---

Sorry Gang...

Better Judgment (or lack there of)

Remember when I had y'all shook?

The troubled soul of kae-hova (the blog god)

Writers Block

Guess Who's back in the em-effing house?

MY quest....

Question for the day..

You ever....

Jewn tinth nineteen nihny won

Strike this outta my vocabulary....

Why Ghetto Isn't Funny

The Mis-education of kae.williams

360° of ...Ran.dumb.ness

I am...

I like what'cha done to the place....

Thangs Eye Cain't Stann dat U folx doo. Wiff Ran.dumb.ness.

Salutations, writer's block and whatever else....

So why.......

My Greatest........

Chris is this you?

Whoop dey AZZ.....

Good news and bad news

I walk like a Pimp...talk like a mack.

You don't know me like my Gawd

I'm Homesick....

Momma Never Said...(C) Kae Williams

You aint sh*t pt. III

This will be one of ya'll

Edu.kae.tion. 101 Life's lesson

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Rules Fo' Borrowing Funds (vol. 1)

Ancers to da' queshuns

U wanna ax me suhm kweshions?

I got'cha ho' card in my back pocket. w/blog reader rules

Whaddaphuck?

Norwegian Court Convicts First Woman for Rape

Bouncing Checks...

Change G'wan come

PHUCK YOU (ckuf you)

The Gambler © Kenny Rogers (an open letter)

Da' Luv dat movies destroyed....

I didn't win the lotto...but i did make some new friends.

ohhhhhhhhh....I'm telling....

Ladies and Gents...I bring you...more ran.dumb.ness

A LESSON BEFORE DYING

Mommy, I don't feel so goooooooooood (more ran.dumb.ness)

I got my swagger back (ran.dumb.ness)

Starbucks,the new job, and yours truly

I'm back you summa'b*tches...